Post: Ultimate roflolmao thread!!!
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08-16-2010, 09:45 AM
#1
Quantum_
Como is my GOD!
CELEBRITIES
1. When Barack Obama was giving his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass.
I thought that was a bit harsh - just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone.
2. "Doctor Doctor, I think I might have malaria."
"Right Miss Cole, I'm going to need to see your vagina."
3. I was gonna give comic relief my life savings for Chris Moyles to climb Mt Kilimanjaro...
Then I found out the fat **** was coming back down again.
4. I've just seen David Cameron surrounded by Indians on the news.
I thought he was supposed to be out of the country this week.
5. I've just bought Eminem's latest album, Relapse: The censored edition
It's easily one of the best instrumentals I've heard in a long time.
CRIME
1. I was walking down the road yesterday evening when I met a gang of hoodies.
One of the big black teenagers waved his arms like Ali G and said to me, "Dis is our 'hood and these are our streets, innit."
Apparently, "If these are your streets then fix those potholes, you lazy ******," was the wrong reply.
2. So anti-social behaviour is the result of violent computer games, is it? Bollocks...
If all these little hoodie-wearing, acne-covered, chain-smoking, swaggering ****s were at home playing computer games my wife wouldn't have been stabbed and raped, would she?
At least until I got home.
3. Can't believe how unrealistic Iron Man 2 is.
One of the most intelligent men in the world and he couldn't predict that his black friend was going to steal from him.
4. Harry is visiting his grandma. She complains about the high cost of living. "When I was a girl, you could go out with a shilling and come back home with a dozen eggs, two pints of milk, a pound of bacon, half a pound of tea and a fresh chicken."
"Yes," says Harry, "that's inflation for you."
"It's nothing to do with inflation," says grandma, "it's all them ****ing CCTV cameras they have nowadays."
Charity
1. Have you heard of the 'Computers for Africa' charity supplying the poorest regions with computers and laptops to help with education?
It must be nice for them to look forward to getting a virus which isn't HIV.
2. Some random woman stopped me in the street today and started telling me a joke. It had all the ingredients of a good joke: child abuse; incestual rape; tears and suffering; but I didn't understand the punchline. Something about £2 a month?
3. I decided it was time to trim my porn collection. A lot of the mags have pages stuck together and the old videos are taking up too much space. But how best to dispose of them?
And then through the letter box came an NSPCC charity bag. That'll do nicely.
4.
In the battle for high street supremacy, asda and tesco have bought a full row of shops between them to turn into supermarkets leaving a tiny gap between them only big enough for a charity shop.
Still,i suppose there`s room for scope.
Subnote:
Americans please note that scope is a shop where people take unwanted items for resale to help charity.
It is not a thing used for looking at british soldiers with.
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Hope you enjoyed! +REP and THANKS are appreciated!
The following user thanked Quantum_ for this useful post:
08-16-2010, 04:01 PM
#9
aZlan
Never come on here anymore
Originally posted by Quantum
5. I've just bought Eminem's latest album, Relapse: The censored edition
It's easily one of the best instrumentals I've heard in a long time.
It's easily one of the best instrumentals I've heard in a long time.
If you don't get it you are stupid.
it means that there are a lot of curses so you really don't hear words just the instrumentals.
BTW i think that is very funny
08-16-2010, 04:14 PM
#10
Ultimate-Playa
[s][move]NGU ELITE 
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