Post: The Absolute Worst Video Game Hardware Gimmicks
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01-30-2011, 03:22 AM
#1
Extrazior
u mirin'
Over the recent years, Gaming has revolutionized drastically to the extent that now it's known everywhere in the world. With all the things we have waiting for us this year, I thought that it'd be appropriate if we looked back at what we regret and value as useless gimmicks in terms of Quality and How useless they were when used for gaming.
Now, for some I'd say quit your whining and count your blessings that you didn't receive one of these astonishingly lousy hunks of junk.
Power Pad
Originally posted by another user
What's dumber than stomping on a big plastic mat to J-Pop and calling it dancing? Stomping on a big plastic mat to generic 8-bit tunes and calling it running. But what made Nintendo's Power Pad truly insufferable was that it didn't even work all that well. Everyone knew that if you wanted your character to truly book it in World Class Track Meet, you had to get down on your knees and pound on that mat with your stupid little fists. And what are you trying to do anyway, make my dining room chandelier fall out of the ceiling? Oh, is that so? We'll just see what your father says about that smart mouth of yours.
Dreamcast VMU
Originally posted by another user
Have you ever been in the middle of a video game and thought to yourself, "This is fun, but I wish there was something else to look at. Something black and white, low-resolution and only tangentially related to the action on-screen."? Of course you have! That's why Sega created the VMU in 1999. An overpriced memory card that lodged itself in your Dreamcast controller, the VMU could also act as a portable console, featuring Tamogotchi-caliber games.
Super NES Mouse
Originally posted by another user
The Super NES Mouse and Mario Paint helped to successfully bridge the gap between video games and the crappy software that came bundled with your home computer. Sure, the Super NES Mouse was pretty important if you wanted to use the game's many creation features, but you and I both know that none of your friends were the least bit interested in watching your terrible drawings run through Mario backgrounds. Much less with your awful 15-second song playing in the background on repeat. Recent statistics show that 99% of all time spent with the Super NES Mouse involved swatting flies in one of history's laziest mini-games.
U-Force
Originally posted by another user
In the late 1980s, Brøderbund set out to make a product specifically for gamers who wanted to get a little more wrist exercise while they played. No, it wasn't a Carmen Sandiego/Leisure Suit Larry crossover (great idea, though), but rather the U-Force, a device that let you ditch the overwhelming complexity of a D-pad and two buttons for a series of infrared sensors meant to translate your adolescent, limp-wristed flailing into onscreen NES action. But give Brøderbund credit for truth-in-advertising: No one should ever. ever touch this thing.
R.O.B.
Originally posted by another user
These days, if you want to consider something your Robotic Operating Buddy, at the very least it needs to make coffee or vibrate - AMIRITE, LADIES? But the 1980s were a simpler time, and back when the NES first debuted, all anyone wanted from a mechanized pal were some rudimentary stacking abilities. Despite only working with two uninteresting games and not being good for anything beyond making your poor friends jealous, R.O.B. managed to solidly beat out its competitor, the Cybernetic Operating Computing Kit. Go figure.
Laserscope
Originally posted by another user
In 1990, Konami realized that kids without hands wanted to play light gun video games too, releasing the Laserscope, a cumbersome headpiece meant to replace the standard NES Zapper. Gamers aimed the device by moving their head around, and shot off rounds by barking "FIRE" into the attached microphone. Because that's exactly why parents buy their kids video games: To goad them into shouting repeatedly at the television.
Sega Activator
Originally posted by another user
Virtual Reality is right up there with saving the rainforests when it comes to 1990s fads no one cares about anymore, but back in 1995, people were in love with the idea of actually doing the actions they saw video game characters perform on screen. It wasn't exactly The Lawnmower Man, but the Sega Activator allowed people to play their Genesis fighting games by actually punching and kicking. The problem was that the games themselves weren't actually designed for the Activator, and it's much easier to roll forward and hit A then throw a quick series of punches and kicks in up to eight different directions.
Power Glove
Originally posted by another user
Though it sounds more like something from a scene in Cruising, the Power Glove was actually one of the earliest attempts to control video games with human hand movements. But all of the gratuitous product placement in the world couldn't hide the fact that this thing absolutely sucked. The controller more than doubled the amount of buttons to press, while only leaving you one hand with which to do it. In theory, high-tech finger sensors were meant to give you additional control, but in reality, they barely worked. That being said, you won't catch us saying that the Power Glove didn't look totally radical.
Dreamcast Microphone
Originally posted by another user
These days, it's no big thing to have a microphone attached to your gaming system. Otherwise, how would 13-year-olds be able to hurl racist, homophobic invective at you? But on systems like the Dreamcast, with only limited online capabilities, a microphone is a profoundly useless piece of hardware. Unless, of course, you're interested in raising a rude man-faced fish with the guidance of Leonard Nimoy. In which case, Seaman has you totally covered.
Virtual Boy
Originally posted by another user
Most of these hardware atrocities made it on the list because they're useless, didn't work properly, or more often than not, both. But the Virtual Boy has a leg-up on most contenders as one of the rare video game systems to literally make people sick when they play it, courtesy of lousy, dizziness-inducing "3D" graphics. Unfortunately, even if you could stomach hunching over this oversized View-Master, the game's atrocious all-red color scheme made every match of Mario Tennis look like it took place in the fifth circle of hell.
Wii Remote and Nunchuk
Originally posted by another user
No one's saying that the Wii hasn't been a huge success. It's practically created and conquered the casual gaming market while featuring all of five good games. But popularity doesn't always equate to quality, as evidenced by the the system's laggy, imprecise controllers. Even in rudimentary WiiSports games, the system only picks up the broadest of motions - when the remote isn't flying out of your sweaty hand that is. Things improved a little with the MotionPlus attachment, but the Wii Remote and Nunchuk are still a sorry excuse for motion control. Oh, and Super Smash Bros. is overrated. Suck on that, Nintendo fanboys.
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After reading all of this, What did you think of these Hardware's? Do agree with the points made? Post your thoughts below!
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