(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Santa Singh

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. Why the death? So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil........

Just when the clock struck 11....

Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.

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Med School

Students at a medical school were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They were all gathered around the table with the body covered with a white sheet.

Then the professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked it. "Go ahead and do the same thing" he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk their finger in the butt of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them: "The second important quality is observation. I inserted the middle finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people."

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Ten... to live

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says.
"You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"

"Ten," the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?"

"Nine..."

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ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS

> 01. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

> 02. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

> 03. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

> 04. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

> 05. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

> 06. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

> 07. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

> 08. The patient refused autopsy.

> 09. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

> 10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

> 11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

> 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

> 13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

> 14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

> 15. She is numb from her toes down.

> 16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

> 17. The skin was moist and dry.

> 18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

> 19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

> 20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

> 21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

> 22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

> 23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

> 24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

> 25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

> 26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

> 27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

> 28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

> 29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

> 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

> 31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Lol cool thread thanks

"> 30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall."

lol the "ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS" is really funny lmao..

the other ones, i've heard them before :p

Some of these are Pretty Funny :L LMAO at >3 wtf?

HAHA these are kinda funny

click on thanks button if you like it too.

Good stuff. Even better since I work in a hospital.

Click on thanks button if you like it .

My bad. Kinda going around reading topics and posting to get my count up a little.