(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); BEFORE YOU READ THIS: This is a complete copypasta from 7S, so credits to Lost4468, I just thought this thread was pretty funny so I wanted to post. I would post the source, but it would be considered advertising. Without further a due. Enjoy.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to my advanced cookers guide to super noodles. Many have tried this hard and sometimes fatal recipe, but do not fear, anyone who is an expert chef can do it with the help of a pro, like me.





Now I am going to guide you through this complicated process.


1) Opening the bag, also referred to as some pro chefs as "opening the gates of hell".
You must first take the packet of super noodles in your hands, grasp them firmly or injury or death may occur, now you will notice on top of the bag there is deadly looking triangles. Many people confuse these for triangles, they are actually super sharp spikes, many have lost there arms or fingers to these deadly triangle spikers. There is multiple ways to open this bag of chaos and doom, but the easiest is to take your right thumb and index finger, place your right thumb on the side of the packet facing towards you, and placed your index finger on the back side of the triangles of death. If you were careless you are probably going to die of blood loss. Repeat this for the other side of the bag with your left hand. Now move your right hand forward and left hand back, the packet of misery should tear open. You can now dispose of this packet, but be warned, the inside may be shiny and this shiny surface can reflect lasers into your eyes causing eye damage or blindness.


2) THE SAUCEPAN OF SORCERY & THE KETTLE OF DOOM.
The back of the packet (which we chucked away due to it having deadly laser properties) tells us that we must use 300ml of water, we must do some sorcery to figure out how much energy we are going to use here.


300ml of water = 300g
300g = 16.6667 moles of water (666 IS THE DEVIL NUMBER, COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT)
1 mole of water = about 6.0221415 × 10^23 atoms
total in this deadly concoction = 1.0036501 × 10^25 atoms
so the energy required to heat the water up to about 100 degrees Celsius is about.
0.3*4.184*(100-25) = 94.14
So we need 94.14kJ of energy to heat our 300ml of water up to 100 degrees from room temperature, magical sorcery indeed.


Now take yee old kettle and put yee old kettle under yee old faucet, yee old faucet will yield yee old water into yee old kettle, boil ye old kettle with 300ml of ye old water in ye old kettle.


Next we must take the saucepan, chuck it over your head and catch it, now put it on the deadly hob of horrors, be careful of any explosions from the collision of the metals. Next you must add the yee old water from yee old kettle to the sorcery saucepan, now LIGHT THE FIRE OF DOOM underneath the sorcery saucepan, be aware of death by saucepaneration.


3) Next we must ADD THE ****ING NOODLES TO THE SAUCEPAN.
TAKE THE DAMN NOODLES IN YOUR MANLY HANDS AND PUNCH THE ****ING WALL, SHOW EVERYONE YOU'RE A MAN WITH YOUR MANLY DOMINANCE AND SNAP THE NOODLES, DO NOT SHOW EMOTION. Now we must chuck the noodles into the saucepan. Maths must be involved or yee saucepan might explode. You must perform this in a vacuum or my calculations will be off, and you can't have that you're a MAN. IT MUST ONLY REMAIN IN THE AIR FOR 1 ****ING SECOND OR DEATH IS CERTAIN.


Distance to saucepan = 5m (you need to show your MANLINESS)


Horizontal motion


Distance = 5m
Velocity = Hx
Time = 1s


v=dt
v=5*1
v=5ms^-1


Vertical motion


U = 0ms^-1
V =
A = -9.8ms^-2
T = 1s
S =


s=ut+1/2(at^2)
s=0*1+1/2(-9.8*1^2)
s=4.9m


LOOKS LIKE YOU NEED TO CHUCK THAT SHIT 4.9M ABOVE THE SAUCEPAN, DIRECTLY FORWARD AT A VELOCITY OF 3.9MS^-1, YOU'RE A MANLY MAN SO YOU WILL GET ALL THE CHICKS NOW.


4) The flavouring of happy bunnies is next.
This is possibly the most dangerous part of the whole meal. This picture was once captures by a knight who said ni, shortly before he was murdered by the rabbit.





THE DEADLY ASS PACKET OPEN, and launch it into the boiling water pit of doom, you can optionally chuck a holy hand grenade in if you like. You must now be careful, make sure the rabbit is dead.


5) The art of the stabbery of the pointery
This is a difficult task that even the best people at everything get wrong sometimes, you must take a 4 pronged metal food stabbing device and stir the noodles twice through out the whole 4 minutes that you boil them. Be careful for this may result in death, as many stab themselves in the jugular when trying this.


6) YEE MAGICAL NOODLES ARET NEARLY DONE
You must take the magical round concave object made of a magical material called porcelain and set it out on the side. When I say set it out I mean slam it down with a force of about 1000 newtons, keep doing this until you find one that's manly enough not to explode. This also claims many lives per minute as the explosion often causes death by lasers bouncing of the pieces while in mid air then going into peoples ears and doing major brain damage.


Next you must wait and practice meditation while waiting for the 4 minutes to be up, count patiently young noodle maker, you have come this far. Many have died at this stage as they have lost there minds waiting for the dreadfully long time to be up.


Next you must take the saucepan and do a 360 degree spin in the air with it in your hands, next do a backflip and a frontflip. Take the saucepan over your head and smash it down onto the bowl, this bowl has passed the test of strength so the saucepan should explode sending metal shards everywhere, be careful a laser doesn't bounce of them and blind you.


7) You have now created the hardest dish of all young noodle creator, go forth and teach others the way of the noodler.





tl;dr To cook super noodles on the hob simply place the block of noodles into 300ml (1/2 pint) of boiling water and add the contents of the flavour sachet. Then reduce the heat so the noodles simmer for about 4 minutes until all the water has been absorbed.

:lol: Gave me a good laugh

I was gunna read it, then I scrolled down and said **** that

What is this an essay?

Pussssssssy! xD

---------- Post added at 01:21 AM ---------- Previous post was at 01:19 AM ----------



Yeah, I had to do it for piano class.

I thought so.

This gave me a laugh.

Nice tutorial :carling:

Finally, now I can make these damn noodles! :carling: