(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Yeah, I'm probably being an arse again to a lot of people and it's about time I addressed this... my time on NGU has largely been a way for me to vent and de-stress but recently I've taken this to extremes. Back in September last year I wrote a thread telling people about my problems and apologising for being short tempered (You must login or register to view this content.). I couldn't imagine how much more stressful it would become for me over the coming months. Still, people seemed very supportive and despite the often unfair way I treat the NGU community, you where all very kind and patient.

I suppose this is another apology in many respects, but I hate apologising because it often feels forced, I prefer to explain. I'd rather people understood why I've been treating them like crap rather than simply forgive me because I ask them to. So I want to explain myself, but there's more after that, don't worry, I'm not going to post this every few months or anything.

For those who weren't around for the first thread, I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. This condition is a genetic cologen deficiency dissorder. It's untreatable, degenerative, chronic and incurable. It's extremely likely that this condition will kill me, probably before I reach 50 years old. The condition causes, just to name a few; chronic pain, repetitive joint dislocations, brittle bones, blindness, strokes/anuerisms/heart attacks, kidney failure, bladder failure, reaccuring migraines, insomnia, chronic fatigue syndrome, irregular body temperature, and seizures... and there's probably more problems that it causes that doctors have yet to discover.

Last year, as I was coming to terms with the rapid degeneration of my condition, I mention that I moved in with my parents temporarily, it's been over 2 years now and I'm still living with them. I've been out of college for over a year and unemployed the entire time. Because of this I've been forced onto "unemployement programs" because I've been claiming benefits for too long, most of which I can't do which means I have to fight to even get benefit entitlements.

My worries are largely the same now as they where before, but moreso. I'll be 26 in a few weeks, yet I'm still unemployed, directionless, living with my parents, and still single (as I never leave the house). I'll probably still be in a wheelchair by the time I'm 30 which means I'm counting the time for which I can still walk in months rather than years. Since the last thread I've started recieveing Physiotherapy and I'm seeing a Consultant and Dietician to try and extend the usefulness of my body and that's at least something.

Unfortunately the last 5 months have been horrible for me as my body had pretty much given up. My pain levels have skyrocketted and I'm now taking painkillers every few hours just to keep from screaming and crying, waking up in the middle of the night, on the few nights I do sleep to take more pain meds and bathe the most painful joints in the bathroom until the burning goes away. Walking has become so difficult for me that I can only really make it to the end of the block, without buses, trains etc. I would be housebound, and I usually have to use taxis to get inbetween. I'm suffering 3-5 dislocations per DAY now, often days are so bad that I only get out of bed to use the toilet. As you can imagine this made me extremely frustrated and I took it out on everyone.

I joined the Media Team here and before I'd even made any videos I'd snapped at half the moderators just because they where there, at the same time I've complained endlessly that NGU isn't the gaming site I want it to be because I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I felt a need to control something. I couldn't control my life, my pain, anything really... so I tried to control NGU, and when that didn't work and my distraction failed to be my stress ball, I started to lash out at everyone. I've been in a very dark place, and NGU was something I could pretend to focus on instead of focusing on my problems.

But there's light at the end of the tunnel. I've been put on some new pain medication, strong stuff. I'm recieving proper help with Physiotherapy, Nutrition help, Consultations etc. and most importantly, today I was signed off the work register indefinately by my doctor and I've been deemed unfit for work. This means no more fighting for benefits, no more applying for jobs I can't do and stressing. I'll soon be recieving ESA and Disability Allowence which is a fair bit more than basic Job Seekers benefits. It's not ideal but it's a good step for me. It means I can relax, I no longer have to look for work, and go to silly placements every week, I can concentrate of dealing with my condition and hopefully getting better emotionally at the very least.

It's been very hard for me, but I think things are improving for me. Sure my pain is increasing. As I type this my shoulders are seperating and I've just dislocated my colar bone, it will probably be extremely painful all night, but I can manage... and hopeful now that I have a little control back in my life, I can accept NGU for what it should have always have been. A little escapism and a community I can go to for a chat occationally. Does this mean I don't want a big retro games and Nintendo section? Hell no, I'd love that, but it's not what this community is about and I can't really force that. If it happens over time great, but I should expect to control things just because I'm having issues, and I see how my projecting has been rather trying on NGU.

I want to thank you all for the patience you've shown me, particularly the mods/admin who have honestly been far more reasonable than I give them credit for. I can't promise that I'll change. Whenever I'm on NGU I'll likely either be in excruciating amounts of pain, or high as a kite on pain meds, but I'll at least try to be reasonable and I'll try to keep my anger and passion for the debate section at least and hopefully people will say "Oh ffs, TC's being an arse again", just a little less, but probably not.

Thank you all again for listening, NGU has been quite the emotional outlet for me over the last year. I couldn't have done it without you.

Yeah, that's something I really do want to address. I've been sort of purposely forcing myself to stay in the debate section because people expect antagonistic posts there and I didn't want to drive people away or get myself banned (and honestly, I'm sure I've come close a few times because some days I genuinely just didn't care and would have happily told the admin to fúck off right to their face if they'd even so much as tried to tone me down, pain can do that to you).

Still, with the stress less for me now and my new pain meds, hopefully day to day will be calm for me and I'll be able to talk about happy pointless things like video games and movies. You know, the reason I joined NGU in the first place. I hoping my new found optimism here lasts at least.

Well you have certainly fulfilled those expectations at times:p

And we can both look forward to the respite

I was gonna troll then I decided i'll be nice.
I had no idea you had a disease life's a bitch.
Who knows maybe you'll live longer then they expect.

I'm sorry to hear that and I hope that the pain would ease.

I myself have epilepsy but it has been sypmtomless for 10 years. ( And playing video games isn't the best way to keep it that way :p).