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Paulnatics, your moment is in!


Ronald "Can't Win It" Paul, M.D., an American Republican philanderer, philosopher and anti-banking kingpin, is perhaps best known his fringe theories including a literal interpretation of the Constitution of the United States of America.

Born to stark-raving mad parents in 1905 in Pennsylvania, Paul is popular with some extremist groups who believe things they read. However, his insistence on discussing Big Pharma, the Federal Reserve System, and other boring subjects when allowed to appear on television has ensured that Ron Paul will never be elected to a position of real power.[SUP]1[/SUP]

Paul is described by fellow politicians and FOX News as "daft beyond belief", "a staunch conservative" and "an almond-covered nutbag" for his theories on interventionist foreign policy claiming that America should intervene in domestic issues instead of shooting brown people. He also makes crazy recommendations such as withdrawing troops from countries that are not attacking America.

Other issues that Paul complains about are the corporative takeover of all things up to and including the internet, the rising debt ceiling and Romney’s ignorance. He also campaigns for legalizing heroin, getting rid of labor laws, and compulsory abortion of all babies conceived by Latinos.[sup]2[/sup]

In addition Paul believes that Intelligent Design is far too intelligent to exist, and that equal rights laws also apply to cancer.



Instead of running around and becoming a Texas hippie during the turmoil of the sixties, Paul was drafted into the army because he was too old and couldn't run fast enough to get to Canada. So he served the Army as a neurosurgeon, cutting out pieces of brain on the back of helicopters while his patients slowly bled to death from non-brain related injuries.

He never had any formal training in removing bullets, bandaging wounds, pumping up morale or any of the other important activity in the field; deeming them unnecessary - after he operated on them he knew they wouldn't feel anything anyway. All his patients died during his time as a doctor.




The Start
As Paul turned his passion for vivisection to politics in the late sixties and seventies, he started to believe that he had been called by a higher power to carry the banner of truth into a cesspool of lies. Paul went from an obsessive pretend doctor to something like the You must login or register to view this content.. Ron Paul crisscrossed America, tearing down politician and corporate dishonesty, exposing hidden schemes of bankers and bandits alike, and raising Holy Texas Hell with the wind-based energy market.

In Congress
Settling-in nicely with his wife and their lobotomized child in Texas after being inspired by meeting Richard Nixon and being told to "get a real job", Paul did the impossible and became a congressman. He won landslide victories for the next two elections, and then had to steal the election half a dozen times until everyone else finally gave up. Now guaranteed a lifetime path to re-election, Paul now set out to fix what he could and scrap what he couldn't.

In his years in office Paul gained a reputation as an honest man, something he tried hard not to laugh at. He unsuccessfully fought for causes that made scoffing wind power seem sane.

• Ending the FED
  
• Uprooting the runaway corruption in Congress and Big Pharma
  
• Cleaning-up the mafia-controlled cartoon industry
  
• Stopping the expansion of war

But the only thing Ron Paul really wanted was marijuana to be legalized so he could hang out in a pot bar with his buds and socialize with random people who liked grass too. Pot people almost never get to do that, and Paul thought that was an awful shame. So he became a presidential candidate in the Republican Party of the United States of America, God bless him.

Supporters
Ron Paul has a lot of supporters, more than all other Republican candidates combined. Unfortunately most of them are

• Young, stupid people aged 10 to 17
  
• People with a criminal record
  
• Illegal aliens who cannot vote
  
• Hippies who don't know how to vote

As a result, in 2012 Ron Paul was once again not nominated as the Republican candidate.

• Let everyone sort out their own shit themselves.
  
• Allow the poor and the stupid to be fucked as a result.
  
• Blame the media.
  
• Try not to mention 911 or black people.
  
• Fuck the FED.