(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON *******. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY FORESKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DPING DOWN MY LEG. THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SEEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING 0LD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK. WHAT SHOULD I DO ngu?

I took 2 poops today and it's only lunch time. Can't wait to see what the day has in store for me.

All caps is cruise control for cool. Using the "caps lock" key makes you become an important and respected internets user. Everything you say will be terribly interesting and insightful, members of all genders will want to have sex with you, and you'll be good in bed. It will also make you sound like billy mays.

When using the all caps method, remember to press it again when you are through being cool.

Roses are TiTS
Violets are TiTS
I Like TiTs
TiTS

1000 POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last Monday, May 14th John Davis was exiting I-90 at the West 117th ramp when he saw a man in a wheelchair. The man was pale, thin and holding a sign that had a religious sentiment and also a request for help. John thought to himself, “I think we’re all to help the less fortunate.” The middle class family man from Elyria works hard for a living and enjoys giving back especially to people who are physically challenged.
“I have a brother that’s paralyzed,” said John, “My brother’s in that same situation and struggles.” John reached into his wallet and grabbed a couple of bucks to give to the man. As he approached the light at the exit, he rolled the money up vertically and stretched his arm out of his window. He says, the man touched the cash and one of the dollars fell to the ground.
The man then bent over and picked it up. Moments later as John travelled North on West 117th he says a Cleveland police officer pulled him over. “He proceeds to tell me he’s pulling me over for littering,” said John. John and his friends who witnessed the exchange were baffled. The ticket cited Section No: 613.06 of Cleveland’s Municipal Codes, which is littering from a motor vehicle. His offense was listed as, “Throw paper out window,” and in parenthesis, “money to panhandler.”
John said he was confused because money is paper but it’s not trash. Cleveland police can’t comment on the ticket at this time but according to a spokesperson there is another code that may have been violated.

What have I browsed into?

Roses are brown,
Violets are brown,
Tulips are brown,
Who keeps shitting in my garden?

damn your story made my dick hurt

That your Integra?

i'll tell you a story that happened to me about 7 months ago.

I just got home from the barber shop and I had hair all over my neck and chest.
I hopped in the shower and started to wash the severed hairs from my neck.
Out of the opening of the shower curtain inbetween it and the wall out of my perif I see something looking at me.
Right as I see this it bolts off and i'm scred shitless..
I try to continue showering when I hear my rusty screen door creak open and my front door slam closed.
After this there is about 10 seconds of silence.
Than I hear whatever came into my house sprint loudly from the living room straight to the bathroom door, 4 feet away from me.
I am a grown adult, 6'1 220 pounds.
I was standing there naked in my shower crying to myself, praying to whatever god there was to make whatever was outside my bathroom door leave.
After 10 minutes my front door slams shut.

It took me three hours to get myself to leave my bathroom.