(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Well lets turn the frown upside down :carling: with some funny jokes. Please dont offense


I'm doing a sponsored 'Finish every sentence with "you ****"' day. Ringing my mum was a bit of a strange one!!

"Hello mum you ****, you ****!"




I told my boss I couldn't make it to work because of the weather today.

"But it's sunny outside," he said.

"Exactly," I replied cracking open a beer.




A question I saw on Yahoo! Answers:

"I'm 13 and my boyfriend and I want to fool around with toys if you know what I mean ;] Any ideas?"

Yes! Fucking Lego!




I hate when I'm about to climax and something kills the mood

Like the batteries dying.





SOME CALL OF DUTY JOKES NOW!



Hitler was one of the most evil men in history.

He ordered the mass genocide of 6 million Jews and was pretty much responsible for kicking off World War II.

Although, on the plus side, if he hadn't have done all that there would be no Call of Duty: World at War




Call Of Duty Gamers. Temporarily blind and disorientate your opponent by unexpectedly ripping open his bedroom curtains.




What's the difference between Call of Duty: Black Ops and a restaurant?

A restaurant usually has a good host and servers that work.




I have massive breasts, I make amazing sandwiches and I'm really good at Call of Duty...

Unfortunately, my name's Adam and I'm a fat ****.




hope this has made you happy

Good attempt, but a brick has more of a facial expression than I do at the moment.

waste of 5min, how u repay meh?

I'll try and change that...

I was at the train station last Saturday and this guy started hitting my ankles with a stick
I turned round and punched him in the face
Also for good measures, I punched his dog too.

Another one- I was in bed with my Jewish wife and accidentally farted (passed gas)
She said "ewhh that's disgusting, get out of the bed!", So I said, "come on.. what's the worst gas has ever done?" :carling:

I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts". Well, YES. That's what I bought them for. You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out. (That's actually a true story)

A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next." :carling: Get it?? Because she's blonde....

A marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there, he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter, she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. She also wanted the pictures of herself back.
So the marine did what any other man would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then mailed about 24 pictures of the women (with clothes and without) to his ex-girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and send the rest back."



Okay there you go! =D Here is one last joke.. I thanked your post BOOOOOMMM!!! GOT YOU YOUR SILVER STAR! WELL DONE MATE!! You must login or register to view this content.

Having a bad day? just watch Elkyeim's sig XD

lol =D You think this is funny? I am going to PM you with some of the funniest gifs youve ever seen if you he one in my sig.. you'll like the ones ill pm you with XD

---------- Post added at 10:54 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:52 PM ----------



It took you 5 mins to read all that? :O Your a slow reader :carling:

You must login or register to view this content.