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Chris: Hi, I'm a live Comcast product specialist. What questions can I answer for you today?
Chris: Just type your question below.
You: How fast can I download stuff?
You: Like, movies from Netflix?
You: Which would be the best plan?
Chris: Our faster internet is 3-4 time faster that DSl internet.
Chris: I’d be happy to look for the internet package that suits your needs.
You: How fast is DSL?
Chris: Please note, DSL providers generally do not offer faster than 6Mbps download speeds. Comcast offers 16Mbps download in most areas, and in select areas, as high as 50Mpbs download.
Chris: DSL internet is distance sensitive, meaning that the farther you live from where the server is located, the slower your internet will go.
You: Ok, what about if all I wanted to do was download and watch porn? Not that HD crap, some decent quality porn from like *******? I'm tired of it buffering. Which plan should I get?
Chris: For video streaming, Performance internet would be great,
Chris: *great.
Chris: Do you mind if I ask a few questions to make sure we can better assist you?
You: Sure. As long as they will help me decide the best internet for watching porn.
Chris: Thank you. Just to check before we move on, are you a current Comcast customer or have you had Comcast service in your name within the last 120 days?
You: No.
Chris: Thank you for considering Comcast. Prices vary by location however we can definitely take a look at the available offers in your area. May I have your current address with zip code?
You: *****
You: *************
You: ******* California
You: Are you going to send me some porn with my plan?
Chris: I am sorry but we don't provide those things.
Chris: Thank you for providing your address.
You: No problem, hey question Blonde chicks with big tits or Red heads with nice asses? Trying to decide which one to stream because my connection is slow and only allows for one.
Chris: I apologize but I don't stream those kind of videos.
Chris: Do you play online games and/or download music online as well?
You: Well, I download porno games and download porn soundtracks... Sorry, I have a porn addiction. Can you just say Blonde or Red, I can't decide.
Chris: As much as I would love to choose between the two however I cannot disclose any personal opinion. I hope you understand.
Chris: Do you have other devices that access the Internet like Xbox, PS3, Wii, iPad or iPhone?
You: Understandable. Yes, i do. I have an Xbox, Xbox360, Wii, Wii U, Ps1, Ps2, Ps3, Ipad, Itouch, Iphone, Ipad mini, Android, Nintendo DS, Nintendo DS lite, Nintendo 3ds, and a Nintendo 3DS Xl. I also have a Sony bluray player with internet and a tv with wireless built in.
Chris: Cool devices you have there!
Chris: If you don't mind, may I ask how much are you currently paying for your 3 services (TV, internet and phone)?
You: Thank you, I stole them all. Um, TV I get from my neighbor. My phone is with my internet. My internet I pay 29.99$.
Chris: Thank you for that information. 1204 PICARDY DR, CA, 95351
1204 PINE TREE LN, CA, 95351
Chris: Any of the ff. addresses mentioned above matches your current location?
You: the first one.
You: I feel like I am talking to a robot... can you repeat "I iz not robot".
You: I just want to verify.
Chris: Thank you. Please be assured though that I'm a live person and I am not a robot. "I iz not robot".
Chris: Does that prove to you that I am not a robot already?
You: No, just type it on one line and add the word "funky monkey" to the end of it. I can't be too careful.
You: I iz not robot funky monkey
Chris: I am sorry but I am not allowed to respond to you unprofessional words just for me to prove to you that I am human.
You: Ok, now that sounds like a person.
You: Let's get back to business.
You: Last Live Chat I was in, it was a robot... it broke into a loop.
You: Not from Comcast but from Doogle.com
Chris: Going back to the business, based on what you mentioned, I would best recommend you to have our Performance internet.
Chris: With our Performance internet, you'll be able to stream videos, skype, check e-mail, video conferencing, school online, download your favorite music, as well as host game online.
Chris: How does that sound to you?
You: Sounds good, hw mch iz it going 2 cost me?
You: *how
Chris: It costs $64.95 per month. You'll get the best internet service I'm sure you'll love to have.
Chris: How's that for you?
You: And this will let me download all the porn I want without any issues?
Chris: That's good for your online streaming and downloading files over the internet.
Chris: How does that sound?
You: I'll take that as a yes. Is there any way we can take off a couple of cents? I just broke my kids piggy bank and I'm short by about a nickel. Can we do $64.90 instead?
Chris: As much as I would love to however just to set the right expectation, we do not have control over the pricing and promotion online.
You: Sorry, I can't afford it then.
Chris: I understand. Please note that all prices are subject to change. I strongly suggest you order online today so that we can ensure that you get the best price available, so don't miss out on these great plans!
You: Sorry, I'll just take it from my neighbor, he has your service anyways. Any ideas on how to break WPA-PSK2 wireless passwords?
Chris: I am sorry but I don't have those information. I respect your decisions and would be happy with it if that would be beneficial on your part.
Chris: Is there anything else I can help you with today?
You: Yea
Chris: Sure. Please ask.
You: Sorry, internet is being a little slow.. lagging a little.
Chris: That's alright. What question can I answer for you?
You: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
You: Woops, lagged.
You: That was meant for the 13 year old I am talking to in another chat window.
You: Yea, do you know where I can buy condoms, rope and cloraform?
Chris: You may google your non-related questions for faster answers.
Chris: What other questions can I answer for you about our products?
You: The fuck is google?
You: Do I have to google google to know what the fuck is google. Everyone has been saying google this and google that.
You: I use pornsearch.com to search for my shit.
Chris: Okay. I'm going to end this session in order to assist other customers. Should you have further questions/comments, our Customer Center can be reached by calling 1-877-870-4310.
Chris: Thank you for visiting Comcast today. I hope you'll come visit us again soon.
You: But I love you.
Chris: Have a great day.

Nope, I gave them an address I know of and they somehow gave wrong addresses...

Lol this is so funny...
I wonder why every chat has the name "chris" in it

Lmfao, that was hilarious. Might give it a try when I have free time.

lmao, anyone who says they don't watch porn is a liar. he was probably watching porn while answering your questions haha.

The ending made me fucking lol; "But I love you"

That was awesome lol, I tried trolling time warner and they just said they had to disconnect because i was being inappropriate (I was asking them where to find animal porn lol) .