(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

So..I'll start at the beginning. I was asleep in bed, when I just had a weird feeling and woke up, I felt this presence in my room, it was lingering, I couldn't pinpoint where it was. I deduced it was in the corner to my left by closet; the darkest corner of my room. I could feel eyes; dark, evil, terrifying eyes piercing me like knives, in the faint light of my window, I saw the figure approach me, only at most 6 feet away, but it only moved just enough to be partially in the light, I saw a smile...a sinisterly manical smile..red stained lips, teeth a dark shade of yellow, pale and pasty grey skin.

The mass stared at me as I stared at it. Then three words, three words was all it said. Go. To. Sleep. Those words were hissed in utterly evil raspy voice, I awoke. I began to get out of bed when I realized I was alone. Completely alone. My family wasn't home, the dogs, the birds, no one. I was alone. I walked downstairs, it was dark and cold. I went to the kitchen, tried to turn a light on, but the power was cut. Not a light in the house would work. I tried to get a drink of water, but all that dripped out of the facuet was dark greenish sludge. I heard a thud upstairs, I lept from my already uncalm state and was shaking and shivering from the cold and now; this unknown cause of the thud from above. My instinct kicked in and I grabbed the largest knife I could see. I wielded it shakely, I made my way to the stairs, when I heard another thud from behind me, back in the kitchen. I was shaking uncontrollably at this point. I didn't know which sound to investigate first, so I decided the evil was more prominent from above, so I returned to the kitchen when I heard something move again from behind me, in the living room. The front door was ajar, it couldn't be though. Every lock..every lock, five different locks were all closed on that door from the inside..it wasn't possible. I moved back quickly to the kitchen. I heard a faint laughter from the living room...an evil, disturbed laugh of a man..deep, raspy, and insane.

I saw a new form in the darkness in the hallway leading to living room, directly in front of me. There was no natural lighting this time to show me the mass, but I could feel those same evil piercing eyes as the night before..I could feel the twisted smile staring at me and I knew..I knew who it was..It was the same man as the night before. He grew closer to me and I could see the mass clearly, he stared at me and said three words..Time. To. Awake. Those words, they were hissed in the same evil way as before, but..but I didn't know what he meant by them. I couldn't respond, I couldn't move. My body, my brain, my facial expression was locked in pure fear..I was completely paralyzed as the man made his way to me, a knife slowly appeared in his hand. I knew my life was over. I held out my hand to shield myself and squeezed my eyes shut, but I felt something in my hand, a hilt, a leather strapped hilt, it was heavy from the front and I knew it was the knife. My eyes bolted open, I was alone. The knife, still left in my head, bloodied and stinking of death. I heard a laughter from outside. I bolted to the window and saw him, standing there in the darkness, not trying to intimidate me though, but baiting me. Almost telling me to follow. I opened the door and followed, but from a distance. He led me to woods, we walked in the woods for what felt like days, until we arrived at our unknown destination.

I saw 5 bodies, strung up, stripped and bags tied over their heads. 2 women, 3 men. I heard a soft sobbing from one of the bodies, the man whipped the body with a switch. The body quickly silenced itself. His smile was locked onto me and he ushered me to come closer and said those same three words in an almost softer tone. "Time. To. Awake." I came closer and I knew what he wanted me to do..I could feel a tugging in my chest, not a pain, but a tugging. He could see that I felt that tugging and his smile appeared to grow larger. The tugging grew larger, it turned to a burning sensation. I could feel my hand struggling to not slash repeatedly at the body. The man's voice snapped me back into reality, "AWAKE." He screamed, almost giddy with excitment. The tugging got stronger and I finally snapped, I slashed the body and felt the steaming blood splatter all over my body, I slashed the throat of the second victim, the third, then the fourth. My body was covered head to toe in the warm blood, tasting its metallic red substance, I stared at my fifth victim and smiled, I realized my face was hurting from smiling so largely. I took the knife and carved a smile into my cheeks, a permanent reminder of my joy. I cut down my fifth victim, I removed the bag from his head and I took my time with him.

I carved the knife into his body, cutting chunks off and severing limbs, the screams sent me into an almost orgasmic pleasure. I slipped the knife into his stomach and slowly moved up and felt the sensation of blood pour out all over my body. The man, now missing both arms, a leg, and chunks of his chest's meat, was gutted. I began laughing and heard my new found master laughing as well and I knew he was pleased with my actions, when I awoke hearing that laughter..that ear curdling laughter and feeling the smile on my face and the pure pleasure in my mind, feeling that strange tugging in my chest once again.

Honestly, You could of made it more fun to read..
It was dull in my opinion

You started out the "creepy" way too quickly. So just one night you were going to bed and you see some evil eyes?

And what're you Sherlock Holmes, you deducted that it was in the left side of your closet?

I just about fell asleep and I read like three sentences, tbh.

"an almost orgasmic pleasure"

You're making a horror story, not a dark fantasy lol.

Anyways, your story was very cliche and reiterating the same words such as evil doesn't make them more scary to be honest it takes away any emotion which is carried with the word. Also your story is not believable at all and the use of first person was weak; didn't make me imagine much.

Next time you need to build up a more unique story and not jump into the scary part too early, add more personality to your location, make the user feel uncomfortable whilst reading.

Thanks for the constructive criticism, I'm definitely going to try again and take your advice into account, definitely will make it more entertaining. Hate writing dry work. Thanks!