(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); When I was 12 I had my first sexual experience. At the time, I lived in a little suburb outside of Cleveland and anyway, the girl next door and I were really good friends. Our parents were both gone for the day and she was over playing Transformers with me. So anyway, we kinda got.. Bored I guess? And we started playing truth or dare, which turned into ‘you show me yours, I’ll show you mine". So anyway there I Was, 12 years old, heart pounding, blood rushing in my ears, and the chick (who was a year older than me actually) takes off her panties and hikes her little skirt up. so What did I do, you ask? I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said “fresh” and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought “naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!” I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie “yo homes smell ya later!” Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air

So she was a boy

Pocket Aces. Nice. Time to make a move. A minute later and I'm down $100 because I just lost to a 5-high straight. Once again I find myself in the hole from gambling, much has been similar the past three weeks. The way I look at it is you have to get your feet wet in these things to truly judge whether they're worth it or not. The booze, the drugs, and the gambling. So far in my 19 years none of it seems worth the prices that come with it.
I find myself for the most part lost, in every aspect of my life. I just finished my first year of uni, although not fantastic I ended up with an average of about 70%. With my first year under my belt and colleges no longer looking at my poor highschool marks, save for the prerequisites, I'm thinking of transferring into Business. A bachelor's in business will take about 4 years to complete but first I have to get my Math C30 (grade 12 math). Now my first year I called the dorms home and for any of you guys who have had the luxury staying there know it can be a mixed experience. Getting out of my tedious hometown where all people do is drink and do burnouts in their spare time was extremely appealing to me. I dormed a room across from two guys who were on my graduation list, so fitting in off the start was a non-issue and I'm usually great at meeting new people. I soon found there was a lack of privacy to be had in dorms. People CONSTANTLY knocking on your door and running in the halls drunk as **** when you have an exam at 8:30 the next morning. (yes there were quite hours, however they were poorly enforced)
The first real incident was with my roommate. Now you're probably thinking "oh another kid that didn't get along with his college roommate". No, infact my roommate was one of the chillest guys I met during our short time together. Lets just say the guy smoked alot of herb and would often come back to the room smelling like it. At first it was a no-problemo, but when the guy bought a vapourizer and started smoking it in our room and later hash straight off the desk, it was more than I could handle. Several e-mails, meetings, and warning letters later he got evicted. I had the room to myself which was cool but in retrospect somethings were alot worse.
When I found out some of my friends from my hometown were coming up for a visit I was pretty depressed they never even bothered to text me or give me a shout, even though they did to my friends across the hall and another friend I graduated with. So I said to myself that they obviously didn't want to spent time with me anyway. When the guys from across the hall came knocking on my door to see if I was coming to go visit them I said no and that they didn't even bother to text me. The response I got completely changed the remained of the year for me (this would have been in November or October I believe). They said they couldn't believe I wouldn't go see my hometown peeps and that I "was dead to them too", even the kid I just met a month ago . . . I lied and said I was going to a bar with a different buddy from my class, which never ended up happened although I fully intended to.
So as the weeks rolled along I grew out of touch with the so-called "friends" across the hall. They gradually stopped telling me about their plans on the weekend and completely stopped asking me to come eat with them when they were eating. This didn't totally both me at the time because they were a pretty immature group to begin with but whenever I DID hang out with them they treated me with a complete lack of respect, it was like I was a totally different person. The weird thing about it was that I am the most intimidating person out of the entire group and don't really take too much shit from anyone. But it got all too familiar when they would tell me to shutup or "go **** yourself" for absolutely no reason, or call me a *sucker. I personally believe if you want to earn respect you have to show it to others, and I was beginning to see these guys were just straight up losers even though everyone else in res acted like they were the *. There were time when I lost it on them, such as the time one of them rolled into my room with two others guys I was cool with and didn't say anything and opened my fridge up and started eating my food. Another time, probably the worst episode of all year was a time when we were at the same bar and I was sitting talking having a laugh with the one, and as he was leaving he slaps me out of nowhere. I was pretty drunk so I don't recall why he slapped my but I'm sure we were just hanging out. Immediately I rose from my seat and got in his face and almost as immediately I could see the fear in his eyes. I didn't care anymore, the cat was out of the bag, I *in hated this kid. The only thing I specifically remember was when the argument was a couple minutes long he said he was going to get and beer and that I wasn't done with him yet so when he turned around I gave him a hard shove which provoked the response of the other friends which were completely on his side. The basically told me to go * myself and after the bar closed completely ignored me. The thing about it that burns me up is that to this day they act like it was all a joke and no harm was done and were still all buddies. My reputation around res was irreversibly damaged as they made me look like an outcast in the eyes of everyone else and for some reason told people I hardly go to class. But enough of the immature college dorm drama. I just wanted to hear your guys opinion on it.
So when April rolled around and finals finished my plan was to travel back home and help my dad until he was done seeding (a process in farming where you plant the crop, takes about 3-6 weeks) then find a job in the city and live with my brother. This seemed to work as I got a job shingling and an interview scheduled around the time when I finished helping my dad. I traveled 5 hours back to the city for one day of work shingling (which everyone I knew told me that it was a crap job and I should take the interview for the city seriously). The next day two hours before the interview I get a call saying it's cancelled and there are no more positions available. So my shingling boss asks me if I got the job, and I once again lie and say yes as I'm packing my bags to go back home. Part of me couldn't wait to get away from my brother. Living with the guy was as close to unbearable as I ever want to get. The guy has an ego problem to begin with and when someone does the slightest thing to complicate his lifestyle, shit hits the fan. Things such as playing his xbox, leaving your boxers on the floor in the bathroom, and never being able to do a good enough job at any given task.
Back to the tedious hometown.
I start to notice people have changed, or maybe it's me thats changed. I can't tell but it's so much easier to see through people. The semi-annoying guy you were ok with before is now the unbearably-annoying guy who I'd rather spend a day working in the acid mines than listening to his nonstop mom jokes and boasting about how he "finished off that 26oz, and was blackout drunk".
My parents treat me identical to the day I turned 16. My dad often calls me useless, and treats me like a piece of shit even though I do help him with work. Today he said without the slightest hint of sarcasm that I was a ****ing moron. This might not bother me too much, but the fact he treats my older brother and younger sister with the utmost respect really gets to me. The house is a mess, my parents seems to have a phobia of throwing things to the trash and letting things go. They always have some stupid excuse to keep stuff such as "They don't make these anymore" or "this was my mothers" referring to an orange juicer. Every room except mine is clutteres with junk and I will never be comfortable living here unless the entire house is cleaned. I tried on several occasions but my parents are relucatant to cooperate or part with their crap. And so the trend continues of me shelling my life away in my one exclusive room, the people close to me despising me more and more. My brother is a stand up comedian, and recently did a half hour stand up at our hometown. When I asked him if I was in any of his jokes he simply replied "No, you're not worthy" with a straight face.
Some of my closest friends seem to be going nowhere, one is a grade 11 dropout packing groceries. Another gave up on post-secondary school and smokes a load of kush and is secretly depressed about his life. My best buddy in my early high school years is now an ego-centric asshole that deep down only cares about number one, and I'm the only one who seems to see it. Not to mention calling me a virgin infront of my friends and girls in social settings. Now here I am finding myself without a true never-let-you-down friend.
My parents start harassing me about getting a job and when I receive a job offer after sending out a couple resumes I tell the guy I'll phone him in two days because I am still waiting for a couple more responses. Two days later I phone and the guy tells me he gave the job to somebody else because I "didn't call yesterday". Figures. A verbal beating ensues from the parents and my dad find me a job at a agriculture company called Viterra. I'm actually excited about this opportunity. I get there on my first day and meet the crew I'll be working with and wait patiently for instructions or a tour or something. Nothing happens and I ask if I should do something, the guy closest to me responds "Nope, but you can go on this computer here". Reluctantly, I go on the computer and start looking at some company homepages, looking to learn a bit about the company I'm representing. However my coworker insists I look up whatever I like. As if I want to sit on the interwebs on my first day. Nothing like making a good first impression. That day I worked a 12 hour graveyard shift in which I was assigned absolutely no jobs and did next to nothing except sit on the computer and read the newspaper. The next two days were a carbon copy. One of the veteran guys told me I would then be relocated to a facility closer to home. That was two weeks ago and I haven't heard from them since despite numerous phone calls.
I thought to myself "since I have no job, I might as well enjoy my night life". The next weekend I went out camping with my friends, which I soon found all they wanted to do was sit inside the $200 camper and smoke weed. I needed a break from the gas masks and the bongs so I convinced the guys to come out for supper. Our waitress was stunning. If there is one thing that can make my day/weekend/week, it's flirting with women. Even though I've only made out with four girls in my life and the fact I consider myself above average looking, I was going to either succeed or crash and burn with this one. When she asked me for my ID, I replied with a subtle "Makes me feels young again". We got to chatting a bit and she told me after her shift she wanted to ditch this place and go to a social in her nearby town. This was prefect, even though I didn't want to ditch my friends, I had no choice if they were just going to hide in the camper all day and smoke herb to convince themselves their lives aren't as bad as they really are. She made frequent stops to our table to chat with me and another friend and eventually offered to take us to the social after her shift. An hour later my friend my piss drunk and in no shape to even walk. Thats when I realized she stood us up. At this point I wasn't even surprised. This weekend couldn't get much worse, no people to party with, and shitty weather.
The next weekend a couple friends planned to go to a bar around the same area. The bar was fun, with me getting a number from a really good looking chick and meeting plenty more. We went to McDonalds after that and our usual trashing of Ronald's humble dwelling ensued. We threw cheeseburgers at the walls, drinks on the floor, and harassed the hell out of the workers. Looking back, I was easily the worst there and was completely out of control. At one point I remember myself yelling face to face with the manager. But, to the point, the girl that stood me up from the lake was there. I reintroduced myself and tried not to act mad about the whole social thing. We had a good chat about school and stuff, I don't really remember to be honest and this was all before me blowing up on the staff. Now, as we are leaving my buddy I came with tosses his drink at the wall where it literally explodes all over an old man sitting in close proximity. This is the final straw as we exit the building the manager takes off after us and four cop cars are suddenly racing toward McDonalds. Obviously this is a good time to run. I take off around the corner and jump a fence and get a good distance away. This is a moment I will probably never forget in my life. I began to think, they won't be too mad, we will only get a warning or a scolding and tell us not to come back. I have to bail my buddies out, I can't just ditch them. I calmly walk back ready to accept my responsibility. As soon as I turn the corner the manager yells "there he is!" as two cops grab me and toss me on the front of a car parked infront of the McDonalds. I didn't really resist, although I remember yelling alot at them and playing the "I don't know WTF is going on card".
Now for anyone here who has been arrested, let me say for the record, cops are *in assholes and I know they were just doing there job but there have been numerous times in my life they haven't just blurred the line between authority and rights, they've flat-out assaulted civilians for no reasons. I didn't get assaulted but to this day I don't have full feeling in my right thumb because the cuffs were so tight. Cops treat prisoners like shit. Telling them to "shut the * constantly" when just trying to make civilized, calm talk. So on my way to the station I hear over the radio my buddy is being taken there too. After my information is taken and my mug shot pictured I put into the most disgusting room I've ever set foot it. Shit streaks the wall and blood is smeared on the floor into what appears to be a mixture of hair and dust. Ontop of that, the room is freezing making sleep virtually impossible. After possibly the longest 12 hours of my life I'm released, and if being in jail provides one thing, it's a period of time in which to think.
My parents never find out about the whole episode and things are right back to normal when I get home. Now a few days later I make another trip to the same bar and the same girl is there this time. Our eyes meet and she quickly looks away and runs her hands through her hair pretending to be in a conversation with her friends. So this time I approach her and say "Everytime I see you I either miss a social or end up in jail, you must be bad luck". She laughs and we hit it off for a bit before she tells me her friends and her are leaving. She tells me everyone at McDonalds was watching as I was getting arrested, but she doesn't seem put off by it, I even think she might be turned on by it. Where do I go from here and what are your opinions on this whole ordeal?
Finally, I find myself questioning my actions and motives in life daily. I'm a gamer, and I'm starting to really lose interest in them and wanting to quit playing entirely to save money and focus on school more. The other half of me says do what you love in life and just limit your playing time, although I have severe problems limiting it. I find myself wondering why I even drink. Not drinking when you're a teen is incredibly hard, everything and everyone promotes alcohol. Its accepted everywhere and people encourage it all the time. I'm a person who can outdrink 9/10 people but slowly I'm beginning to think I don't need alcohol to have a fun time with friends. Everytime I'm out drinking with them I have to at least down a 12, I'm beginning to worry about my health even though I'm one of the few that has a six pack instead of a beer gut If looking at their physical status is any indications, It's a road I don't want to take.
Kush is the other half of alcohol for me, when I'm blazed everything is so awesome and everything is so interesting. Its an amazing feeling that only sucks when recollecting what happened the night before and remembering the fool I made out of myself because I was as high as a kite. Ontop of this, and no matter what arguement you can make, weed does have negative health effects, personnally I believe it does damage to your lungs and memory.
I've dwelled on this thought for a good time and have just decided to only drink 2-4 beer when I go out and only smoke up when I'm chilling with my friends and not going to a social event.
Add gambling into the mix, which only started recently with VLTs. I hate losing money, so when I collectively lost $200 on video machines I was pretty pissed. Tonight I went to a local casino for the first time and lost another $100. Not to mention the $250 buy in tourney a couple weeks ago. I figure I've spend about $1000 in my life on gambling. This includes VLTs, poker, 50/50 tickets, sports select tickets and everything in between. I don't know how to limit myself in this category, she I just cut myself out of gambling completely? Even an innocent game of poker with friends?
I need your opinions on anything you guys care to talk about here. I feel I need to make a bucketlist or set specific goals and detailed ways to obtain them. In the back of my head I just want to throw everything to the wind and work harder than ever on school and make something out of my life, such as a lawyer. I know alot of it seems like a scrambled, immature mess, but I needed to post it. And for the record, I don't have an anger problem and I'm actually a really nice guy if you ever get the chance to know me. I hardly ever snap unless I'm pushed to the limits or I'm in a bad mood. So right night I'm completely broke with no real job, and no oppurtunities. $23 to my name and a debt of at least $500 dollars.

Hey guess waht fuk off m8

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Everything

What isn't wrong with him more like




A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

thank you for that, i needed that for the rest of my day to go right, lololol.

I sexually Identify as a meme. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of being uploaded onto the imgur website and linked into the reddit threads. People say to me that a person being a meme is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a computer scientist put my brain into my computer like johnny depp in transendence, equipping me with the dankest of pictures from the internet. From now on I want you guys to call me "Sir Danks-a-lot" and respect my right to meme from above and meme needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a memephobe and need to check your internet privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

Yes Sir Danks-a-lott