aye.. 2 focals you say? me eyes hurt. it's got strange quality on it because of the white lines or simply because you forgot to sharpen, somthin. not a fan of the text but, i dont guess anyone ever is.
the main thing i notice when i look at it is, the middle is just kind of a white sploch. you should add a C4D or some multi-colored smudging, hell maybe a stock or somthing random to throw a little spice on it.
just keep improving

thats what we're here for innit?