(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Disclaimer (sort of):
This guide is a joke written for the enjoyment of Black Ops players, and is not meant to be helpful for noobs or experienced players. I am not responsible for any noobs who become better at being a noob after reading this guide or for experienced players who lose some skill simply by reading this guide. Just kidding. Sort of

Black Ops, the latest installment in the Call of Duty series, has brought on a new type of gamer: That is, the gamer who is trying to be a noob but is not doing a good job.

So for all you wanna-be-noobs out there, read on. This guide is just for you =D
(If you're not a noob, read on anyways: you may learn something )

This is the step-by-step guide you've been looking for to boost your noob game!

I. Weapons
Let's start out with the Basics.

See, there are several guns in Black Ops. There are Assault Rifles, SMG's, LMG's, Sniper Rifles, Pistols, Shotguns, Launchers, and more.

The only two that we are concerned with are Assault Rifles and Launchers.

More specifically, the AK74u and the RPG.

The RPG is unlocked earlier than the AK74u, at rank 12. However, the AK74u, which is without a doubt the greatest gun in the game (who knows why noobs are the only one using it?) is unlocked later at rank 17 (for help reaching rank 17 without the AK74u, see the "Reaching Rank 17" section).

Using an RPG requires the ability for you to get behind enemy lines. When you reach an area that looks like it's likely to be the enemy team's next spawnpoint, stay still until at least three enemies appear. Then, immediately shoot your rocket at the ground, destroying all of the enemies within your blast radius.

Operating the AK74u is even easier. Move to an optimal location that gives you a view of most of the map, and then hold down the fire button.

Troubleshooting:
Q: I can't find the AK74u in any of my classes?
A: You haven't put it on one of your classes yet. Check the "Creating Your Custom Class" section for more details."

Q: Holding down the fire button doesn't instantly get me kills?
A: Make sure you're standing in an area of the map where you have plenty of room to shoot, and also make sure that you have the "Grip" attachment on your gun.

II: Reaching Rank 17
Rank 17 is possibly the hardest rank to reach in Call of Duty: Black Ops, because before this rank, you don't have the AK74u at your disposal.

Luckily, we noobs stick together, and we're here to help.

First, find a lobby which contains a large number of noobs, preferably at least 50% of the players. (If you need help finding a noob lobby, select the "Team Deathmatch" gametype).

Next, run around the map with a lightweight gun such as the MP5k, and keep an eye out for dead players. When you find one, check if they an AK74u. If so, pick it up and continue as usual.

Repeat this process until you reach Rank 17 via a combination of lots of playing time and sheer luck.

Troubleshooting:
Q: No matter which lobby I join, I can't seen to find one that has a decent number of noobs?
A: Make sure you've selected

III: Ranking Up After Rank 17
Use your RPG and AK74u, as described in the "Weapons" section:


Troubleshooting:
Q: I still haven't unlocked the AK74u!
A: You're in the wrong section, see "Reaching Rank 17".

IV. Creating Your Custom Class
This section of the guide assumes that you have basic custom class editing know-how.

To create our ideal noob class, we will need to be Rank 17 or higher, with a maximum need of 7,000 COD Points.

First, buy the AK74u (2,000 COD Points) and then attach a Grip (1,000 COD Points).

Next, purchase the RPG (2,000 COD Points) and set it as your secondary.

Finally, buy Second Chance (2,000 COD Points) and set it as your third tier perk.

(Optional): Make sure your "Lethal" weapon is set to "Frag Grenade".

Troubleshooting:
Q: I go to purchase the AK74u, but there is a red "2000" next to the gun name, and when I click on it, nothing happens?
A: You need more COD Points. Repeat the steps in the "Reaching Rank 17" section until you have the number of COD Points that you need.

V: General Gameplay
In Call of Duty: Black Ops, the best strategy is too be as unpredictable as possible, so the enemy can't anticipate our next move.

We can achieve this by applying the right combination of camping and RPG-suicides.

Camping is the process of staying in one spot, and eliminating people who walk past, that aren't smart enough to use the AK74u like you are. It's often best to find a place in the dark where you can go prone, thus making you even harder to hit.

RPG-suicide is the process I described earlier where you wait in a position where the enemy team is going to spawn next, wait for a few players to spawn, and then shoot an RPG at the ground, killing all enemies around you (Note: a common mistake is to shoot at the enemies themselves. This is not nearly as effective, as the RPG is likely to miss, and if you do hit the enemy, you'll only have one rocket left. The advantage of killing yourself is that you'll always have infinite ammo).

Troubleshooting:
Q: When I'm attempting an RPG-suicide and I begin to shoot at the ground, none of my bullets explode. Why?
A: You're still using the AK74u. Always remember to switch to your RPG before attempting an RPG suicide!

VI: Killstreaks
Killstreaks are a great help in Call of Duty: Black Ops. There are only a few killstreaks that you'll ever need to use:
1) Care Package.
2) Dogs.
3) Gunship.

Now a quick explanation of why we chose those three killstreaks:

See, the only useful killstreaks are Dogs and Gunship. Why? Well, lets look at the Pros and the Cons.

Pros: They last for a long time, and they destroy everybody easily.
Cons: None of us have ever gotten higher than a 5 killstreak before.

The Pros obviously outweigh the Cons, so we use those two killstreaks.
Then, the problem enters: We've never gotten enough kills in a row to get Dogs or a Gunship.

That's why we use the Care Package =D

Troubleshooting:
Q: Why wouldn't I just use a low killstreak, like the Spy Place or the RC-XD?
A: Think logically: The Spy Plane doesn't get you any kills, and the RC-XD only gets you one or two. The Dogs and the Gunship get you 10-20. So of course you'd use those!

VII: General Questions and Answers
Q: Where do I find good camping spots?
A: Watch other noobs to find the best, time-tested spots for camping.

Q: I saw somebody using a gun besides the AK74u. Why is that?
A: I'm honestly not too sure, but I believe it's because they don't have enough COD points to pay for it. That's frankly the only reason I can think of for not owning the AK74u.

Q: Is it okay to substitute a different attachment for the "Grip" on the AK74u, like "Rapid Fire"?
A: You should never use an attachment besides "Grip" on your AK74u. If you see somebody else using "Rapid Fire", it's best to explain to them why it's much better to be using the grip.

Q: How do I unlock those nifty Golden Camos?
A:It's easy: Check on NextGenUpdate.com daily for a new prestige hack. Once you find one, simply pay someone in the ShoutBox to do it for you, and then go to the Call Of Duty auctions section and find a shop that sells COD Points. Buy 50,000 COD Points from this shop, and you'll be able to buy a Golden Camo for your AK74u.

*****

Thanks for reading guys, once again this is a guide that's more or less making fun of the noobs, it's not advised that you use this guide for your actual playing, or bad things may happen

More will be added soon, if you have any ideas, post them and I may add them to the post

This took a lot of effort to write, and even required some research on my part, so if you like the post, it's always nice to Say Thanks.

Thanks =D

HAHAH damn thats sad if that made your day.. you def need a life HAHAHA

Haha nope it's true... I think stupid people who are trying to troll are pretty funny

IDK why you're concerned about my life, but I guess if you're on this site hatin' on others then it's your life you should be worried about

But I guess...
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:bro:

Oh I was expecting some crap but it was actually quite good lol

Very nice guide... But if you are a noob, I suggest you dont play Call Of Duty.

HOLY SIHT. I followed your guide and now I'm getting #1 in the LeAdErBOARDS!!!!!! :carling:

haha dude, its so funny how you use nerd language.. "troll" haha damn dude.



Some Goals that I set for Myself:
[√] Reach 100 Posts
[√] Get 50 +REP
[√] Create 10 Threads


woww that so cute, your little goals lol.

this is what they should be instead
-Lose 150 Pounds.
-Try getting off the computer for more than 1 hour.
-Go eat some fruit.

have a nice life, fatass f u c k.

---------- Post added at 04:52 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:51 PM ----------



and was that your fatass in that little video you sent? damn bro setting yourself up.
dont even reply.. you got internet raped HAHAHA

I'm getting a little too bored to type up a whole paragraph, ima just do bullet points from now on

1) troll is an actual word, learn english before you troll :black:

2) I am less than 150 pounds, so losing that would be a little redundant.

3) Fruit sucks. Although if you're one of those skinny shrimps that only eat fruit, good for you

4) "f u c k" is not how it's spelled. It's fuсk, dumbass...

5) Quoting people twice is also a little redundant. Brilliant :y:

6) That picture is obviously hand-drawn, I'm obviously not, so it'd be nice to come back after your kindergarten graduation when you can tell the difference.

7) you keep implying that I'm a fat white guy, but for some reason you still think you just "raped" me. Why would you wanna rape a fat white guy?

OK, your turn in the flame war... or if you don't mind, can we switch this over to PM'ing? You're hogging my thread :p

How did this shitstorm even start? Nice thread tho. Helpful to the 'noobs'

Chrispy,

Sit down!!!