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First of all, you NEED, and I mean need Xlink Kai 7.3.1.7, which can be found here:
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Second of all, either enable DMZ or Port forward Port 30000 to your pc (not your ps3!)
Note: to my current knowledge, the ps3 has no ping limiter, this may or may not change in FW updates and/or games/game updates, so the following may not be true in the future, but currently is in effect now:
Anyone should be able to join your game as long as they have a proper setup!
I recently was playing GunGame MW2 on ps3 xlink, and I made sure everything worked before hand, this is not theory!
Steps to get xlink working when you've forwarded your ports/enabled dmz to your pc
1: Shut down Xlink and your Ps3
2: Run xlink and join the area you want to be in (eg. ps3/fps/MW2/)
3: Start up ps3 and launch the game you want to play
4: Search for a game on system link mode/lan.
5: Games should appear as long as ports are forwarded properly!
6: Host lobbies/Join games and Have fun!