Post: My first sonnet (GOOD OR BAD?)
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03-20-2010, 01:36 AM
#1
Pooley
Do a barrel roll!
So we have just started "Sonnets" and i want to get a B at least
So....could you read my FIRST ever sonnet and comment please?
thank you loads! i will rep+ you for helping
MY 1ST SONNET xD
A) One sight bang im hooked like class A
B) Us talking is a brilliant pass time
A) Im not sure wherever u bring down my day
B) I hate it when conversation runs dry
C) I think we should cut to the chase
D) Will my love for you ever go away?
C) Were perfect when near you i feel dazzed
D) If worse can get worse i'll be a stray
E) Is my love stronger than words?
F) This is the best i can explain
E) I feel pinned down im not free like birds
F) My emotions come down like torrential rain
G) I think its all a dream cause its not the best
G) A pinch on the arm might wake me up from this mess.
Written by Ryan Poole
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03-20-2010, 01:45 AM
#2
Originally posted by Pooley
=
MY 1ST SONNET xD
A) One sight bang im hooked like class A(Only 9 syllables)
B) Us talking is a brilliant pass time
A) Im not sure wherever u bring down my day
B) I hate it when conversation runs dry(Doesn't rhyme with time)
C) I think we should cut to the chase(8 syllables)
D) Will my love for you ever go away?
C) Were perfect when near you i feel dazzed(Doesn't rhyme with chase)
D) If worse can get worse i'll be a stray
E) Is my love stronger than words?(7 syllables)
F) This is the best i can explain(8 syllables)
E) I feel pinned down im not free like birds(Doesn't rhyme with words and 9 syllables)
F) My emotions come down like torrential rain
G) I think its all a dream cause its not the best
G) A pinch on the arm might wake me up from this mess.(Doesn't rhyme with best)
MY 1ST SONNET xD
A) One sight bang im hooked like class A(Only 9 syllables)
B) Us talking is a brilliant pass time
A) Im not sure wherever u bring down my day
B) I hate it when conversation runs dry(Doesn't rhyme with time)
C) I think we should cut to the chase(8 syllables)
D) Will my love for you ever go away?
C) Were perfect when near you i feel dazzed(Doesn't rhyme with chase)
D) If worse can get worse i'll be a stray
E) Is my love stronger than words?(7 syllables)
F) This is the best i can explain(8 syllables)
E) I feel pinned down im not free like birds(Doesn't rhyme with words and 9 syllables)
F) My emotions come down like torrential rain
G) I think its all a dream cause its not the best
G) A pinch on the arm might wake me up from this mess.(Doesn't rhyme with best)
My evaluation, you have a long way to go. This would get a D max, also there is no iambic pentameter in the entire poem.
03-20-2010, 08:09 AM
#3
madden's Hoe
< ^ > < ^ >
03-20-2010, 01:56 PM
#4
The Low Key OG
still the same OG, but I've been low key
Originally posted by Pooley
Hey guys im 14 and im getting pretty rubbish grades such as C's
So we have just started "Sonnets" and i want to get a B at least
So....could you read my FIRST ever sonnet and comment please?
thank you loads! i will rep+ you for helping
MY 1ST SONNET xD
A) One sight bang im hooked like class A
B) Us talking is a brilliant pass time
A) Im not sure wherever u bring down my day
B) I hate it when conversation runs dry(Doesnt really rhyme)
C) I think we should cut to the chase
D) Will my love for you ever go away?
C) Were perfect when near you i feel dazzed
D) If worse can get worse i'll be a stray( again, a bad rhyme)
E) Is my love stronger than words?
F) This is the best i can explain
E) I feel pinned down im not free like birds
F) My emotions come down like torrential rain(<=Random)
G) I think its all a dream cause its not the best
G) A pinch on the arm might wake me up from this mess.
Written by Ryan Poole
Facebook ME ?
x
So we have just started "Sonnets" and i want to get a B at least
So....could you read my FIRST ever sonnet and comment please?
thank you loads! i will rep+ you for helping
MY 1ST SONNET xD
A) One sight bang im hooked like class A
B) Us talking is a brilliant pass time
A) Im not sure wherever u bring down my day
B) I hate it when conversation runs dry(Doesnt really rhyme)
C) I think we should cut to the chase
D) Will my love for you ever go away?
C) Were perfect when near you i feel dazzed
D) If worse can get worse i'll be a stray( again, a bad rhyme)
E) Is my love stronger than words?
F) This is the best i can explain
E) I feel pinned down im not free like birds
F) My emotions come down like torrential rain(<=Random)
G) I think its all a dream cause its not the best
G) A pinch on the arm might wake me up from this mess.
Written by Ryan Poole
Facebook ME ?
x
It's decent, but definitely won't bring your grade up.
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