Today, I went to an elementary school for volunteer work. I was asked to read to a group of kids during one of the classes. Before I started reading, a girl raised her hand and asked me if I had a boyfriend and if I was single. I asked her why and she said "My daddy wanted to know." I'm 16. FML

Today, after sleeping at the airport for 2 nights, I decided to give up trying to get home on a standby flight to Amsterdam. After finding out my luggage was lost, the train back to Germany was delayed due to a fire, and I was then put onto a different connecting train going in the wrong direction. FML

Today, I had to moisturise my dogs testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

Today, my boyfriend finally got a job. As a clown. FML

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

Today, my sister was on television. It would have been great if she weren't being handcuffed for burglary. FML

Today, I received a call from a college, and the student representative asked if I had any questions pertaining to the college. After answering my questions, she invited me to attend the open house. Upon hanging up, I realized that is the only time a girl has ever invited me to go anywhere. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML

Today, I moved into my new college apartment for the next year. A 45 year old guy with a mustache in short shorts and no shirt answers the door. He will be one of my roommates. FML

Today, my car broke down. I had a two mile, up-hill walk ahead of me. About half way up the hill, a car beeped. Thinking they were poking fun at my misfortune, I began to curse and use obscene gestures, only to find out that it was my neighbor asking if I needed a ride. She drove off. FML

Today, I was cleaning out my old purses and found a check I forgot to cash for $380. I was so excited because I'm broke. I took it to the bank to cash it, but discovered it expired in November of 2009. FML

Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction… “I love Los Angeles too!” FML

Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML

Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

Today, I was bored out of my mind at work. I told my coworker he was lucky to be leaving early. I forgot the reason of his early departure was to go to his grandfather's funeral. FML

Today, the cute guy I met on Halloween finally decided to meet up with me after almost 10 months of phone calls, IM, and emails. He was noticeably disappointed and said I looked different. On Halloween I had full face zombie makeup. FML

Today, when I got home at 1:30 in the morning, I accidentally locked my keys inside my car. I tried knocking on the door and ringing the doorbell to wake my mum up and let me in, but she didn't hear me. Not even when the dog started barking. I'll be sleeping on the porch tonight. FML

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

Today I decided to do the de-prestige hack but forgot about that i still had the patch on so when i prestiged I lost all of the challenges and guns FML

Today, my girlfriend's father offered her $10 to stop talking to me. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. FML

Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML

Today, my mom was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Trying to be supportive, I threw out all our junk food to show support in these tough times. She wasn't too happy, and says now is the time she needs her "Fudgie Buddies" the most. I am grounded for wasting our food money. FML

Today, I found out my mom has pictures of me sleeping on her facebook. FML

true true but honesly no one has posted cept for us 4

Sorry but what does FML stand for :p (STFU BEARJ3W I know you are going to give me a Smart-Ass response )

This is the best one i've seen.

"Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone." =D

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