It all started out when I was a 8 year old with needs. Yes, I know what you're thinking. But it's not special needs. It was like a lustful feeling. Have you ever had it? It's like you can't control yourself.

Anyway, back to the story. I was in primary school. There was this girl who everyone craved for she was like super-hot, body to die for - so to speak. I was in class getting taught how to spell, count and talk. I was dying for the toilet so bad I shouted "Miss, miss. I need to go to the toilet badly." - "Okay, son. Don't take too long." By this time I was so relieved I wasn't going to go wee wee in the classroom I started to shake.

'Bang, Bang' - What's that I thought. I turned around to see this woman. It was like in one of those movies, you know? Were it's all in slow motion, flicking of the hair, tight top and last but not least a short skirt. This was the girl everyone wanted a piece of. No, I had to get her, I'm going to make it my life-long ambition. I picked up the courage to go and speak with her and it all went wrong. It went something like so: "Hey there, beautiful. Want to cook me some eggs. And we can both dip our toast inside the yoke." - I have no Idea why I said this, but surely now my chances with this luscious girl was over.

So I run off having a hissy fit and go into the nearest bathroom. Unzip my trousers pull out my pinky and start having a wee wee. So I shake, zip and wash. Walk out the bathroom and there she is again. By this time I'm far too embarrassed I try to bypass her view by going commando. I thought the less clothes I have on, the more camouflaged I would be. I really regret doing that now - kinda, you'll see why.

"Hey, you." She shouts. I turn round to see her staring at me. "Uh, yeah?" - "Why are you bollock-naked" (She never said those words. It just gives it a bit of affect.) "I'm embarrassed about before I'm trying to hide from you." - "Nonsense, come here. Put some clothes on beforehand though." - I put my clothes and go over to her. Then, this is where all the magic happened. She kissed me, with her lips and tongue."

You just start writing for Harlequin?

What do you mean?