(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Awesome comebacks/insults BETA!

After the success of my previous thread, I have decided to do an updated vers. of this thread. Please note that all the new ones are added at the bottom. Remember, you can submit some and I'll put them in. Enjoy!

Seen on T-Shirts:

So Few Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me

Coffee, Chocolate, Men...Some Things are Just Better Rich

Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship

I was born at night but not last night.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame it on you!

My answer is right it is your question that is wrong.

Some Insults:

Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date.

~~~~~

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

~~~~~

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

~~~~~

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
Henny Youngman

~~~~~

Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?
~~ Henny Youngman

~~~~~

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.
~~ Henny Youngman

~~~~~

The more I think of you, the less I think of you.
-- Henny Youngman

~~~~~

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
Just leave me the heck alone.

~~~~~

You look like a million bucks! (All green and wrinkled.)

~~~~~

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

~~~~~

I never forget a face...but in your case I'll make an exception!

~~~~~

What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

~~~~~

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

~~~~~

100,000 sperm to choose from, and you were the fastest.

~~~~~

I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet.

~~~~~

I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.

~~~~~

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

~~~~~

"What's the latest dope on Wall Street?"
"My son!"

Snappy:
Does your stream of consciousness have any fish in it?

Ah! I see the memo fairy has visited us again.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can never be used for good.

You sound reasonable. Time to up the medication.

Who me? I just wander from room to room

And your crybaby, whiney-butt opinion would be?

Do I look like a people person?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

You! Off my planet!

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

I am a PBS mind in an MTV world.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Well, your day is a total waste of makeup.

Not all managers are annoying. Some are dead.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming, and you realize you
haven't fallen asleep yet.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door Number 1?

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Nice cologne. Must you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done

How do I set a laser printer on "stun"?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

Simple Man/Woman
M: I know how to please a woman.
W: Then please leave me alone.

M: I want to give myself to you.
W: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

M: Your hair color is fabulous.
W: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.

M: You look like a dream.
W: Go back to sleep.

M: I can tell that you want me.
W: Yes, I want you to leave.

M: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
W: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

M: Your body is like a temple.
W: Sorry, there are no services today.

M: Is this seat empty?
W: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

M: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
W: What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?

M: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
W: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Taken from a yahoo answers thread!!!
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
How about never? Is never good for you?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a sh+!.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?
Do I look like a people person to you?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
Oh I get it. Like humour, but different.........
An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.
Can I swap this job for what's behind door..........1?
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.
Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Aren't you a black hole of need.
I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.
If you have something to say raise your hand... then place it over your mouth.
I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time?
Don't let your mind wander, it's too small to be let out on its own.
Have a nice day, somewhere else.
You're not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away.
Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring.
If I had a dog that looked like you, I'd shave it's butt and teach it to walk backwards.
Do you take Karate? I was wondering because you are kicking.
Is that your head or did your neck vomit?
You're so nasty, I called you on the phone and got an ear infection.

People like you don't grow on trees, they swing from them.
I could say nice things about you, but I would rather tell the truth.
I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception.
I know I'm talking like an idiot. I have to, other wise you wouldn't understand me.
Most of us live and learn, you just live.
I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
I can't seem to remember you name, and please don't remind me!
I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in ten years, I'll make sure I'm not there.
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
You remind me of the ocean - you make me sick.
You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you'll find one.
You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.
You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
You started at the bottom - and it's been downhill ever since.
You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are
obnoxious and arrogant.
don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet its hard to pronounce
I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth
I’m trying to imagine you with a personality
Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
Grasp your ears firmly and pull; you might just be able to remove your head from your ***.
You have a nasty speech impediment....your foot.
You really are as pretty as a picture. I know I'd love to hang you.
This is an excellent time for you to become a missing person.
People would follow him anywhere.....but only out of morbid curiosity.
Words fail me.
If we killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder - it would be an apocalypse!
You! Off my planet!

The more simple ones! (keep ya cool ones)
Your words are meaningless..

Oh get a life.

Are you talking to me?

Whatever you say.

Why do you say things like that?

You are a pretty mean person.

How does it feel to be this mean?

This makes you happy?.

Why does this make you happy?

You are wasting your breath.

You’re right. I said you’re right OK?

Again?

Not getting tired of this?

Nothing better to do?

How would you like it?

Sorry. Your opinions have no effect.

I don’t let someone like you get me to me.

What type of person you are?

I heard you and I don’t care.

Are you satisfied?

That really got me but stop now.

That’s pretty funny but stop now.

This is just wrong.

Everyone says I’m going to run into people like you
for the rest of my life – great.

Here we go again.

You again? Annoying.

You are a waste of my time.

Hurry up and finish with your stupid garbage.

I wish you would stop wasting my time.

Feel better now?

You’re a real expert at this. Congrats.

It must be hard to stop what you are so good at.

Can you just stop?

Are you done?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah right!

Why do you do this over and over?

You are just a low person.

How can you say that with a smile on your face?

How would you feel if someone were doing this to
you?

It would be nice if you grew up.

Real mature.

Stop being such a child.

You should hear yourself.

I could care less about what you think.

You can see I'm terribly hurt.

Say whatever you want.

I will never feel bad because of you.

I will never feel bad because of your words.

Keep talking - I am not listening.

You are the king of putdowns. Congrats.

Aren’t you getting bored?

Why don’t you bother someone else?

Why don’t you bother someone who cares?

You can leave me alone now.

Ha. Ha.

Real funny.

It’s real sad that you are doing this.

Yes, you’re better than me so just stop now.

You’re absolutely the best at this.

I’d really hate to be your parents.

What did I ever do to you?

Why does this make you feel good?

I should feel bad about what you are saying but
you’re not worth it.

Stop doing this already.

You can’t stop can you?

This is a shame because I actually thought we
could have been friends.

You know we used to be friends.

When we were friends I never thought you would
do something like this.

I really thought you were a good kid.

I had no idea you were this kind of person.

I never thought you could do something as mean
as this.

You used to be a pretty nice kid.

You have really changed.

I’m tired of you using me to feel good about
yourself.

Build up your self-esteem some other way.

OK you hurt me- move on to your next victim.

Just words.

Who cares!

Eureka! You’ve discovered I’m different than you.

Eureka! You’ve discovered I look different than
you.

Everyone has a talent...

Thank you.

OK…and that’s supposed to make me feel what?

What did you say? What? What?

Nice reputation.

It doesn’t bother you that this is what you’re
known for around the whole school?

I should really report you but you’re not worth it.

I'm so upset!

Nope. Doesn’t bother me.

That’s your best?

That’s it?

My little brother makes me feel worse than that.

You’re better than I am, OK, I admit it, now stop or
I’ll report it.

You can think about stopping now.

I heard that one in kindergarten.

Mission accomplished: I really feel bad now so
move on.

Are we going to go through this every single day?

Are you going to waste my time like this every day?

Is it your goal in life or something to do this to me?

I feel sorry for you.

Sources:
You must login or register to view this content.
You must login or register to view this content.
You must login or register to view this content.
You must login or register to view this content.
You must login or register to view this content.

SUBMITTE
My next comeback will be down your mothers throat in a second if you dont SHUDDAFUGGUP (MBO)
Your mom goes to college. (koolkarpet)
Your retarder Go Home Take A Shower Matter Fact Kill Yourself (XAviierG)
Were you born on the highway? Cus thats where most accidents happen (Iriish_Bhoii)

LOL, you need to be able to say them confidently though!! then they wouldn't be.

lol true.