(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Just a collection of random hilarious MLIB jokes. I don't claim all of these, but I do have a few of mine in there. Feel free to post your own, I might add it to the list if it is funny enough and you quote me.

Sexism ftw. :mudkip:

1. Today, my girlfriends mom walked in on us having sex. I looked her in the eyes and finished like a boss. MLIB
   
   
2. Today, I remembered Jimmy neutron’s robot brother “brobot.” that mother****er was chill. MLIB.
   
   
3. Today I got head while playing COD, I ended up getting a tactical nuke, and the nuke and I exploded at the same time. MLIB.
   
   
4. Today, I realized woman backwards is sandwich. MLIB
   
   
5. Bro, MLIB
   
   
6. The Jonas Bro's are not bros. They haven't made it out of the kitchen yet, their asses are still in there making me sandwiches. MLIB
   
   
7. Today, my professor reminded me that in law school, we wear shirts with sleeves. I reminded her that the second Amendment provides the right to bare arms. MLIB
   
   
8. I was chilling in science when I noticed there was an element named “Bromine” in the periodic table. Then I asked someone about it, and found out that when combined with oxygen, it makes the compound “Bromate.” Mind ****ing blown.
   
   
9. Today, I tried to change my password to “my dick”. The website said it was too long. MLIB
   
   
10. Today I met Tim Tebow. I told him to change his name to Tim TeBRO. He did. We fist bumped. It was chill. MLIB
    
    
11. Today I got road head on the way to school.... I walked to school. MLIB
    
    
12. Last night my bitch called me from the hospital. She said she was hit by a car. I paused and then asked her how the **** a car got into my kitchen. MLIB
    
    
13. Today I went to buy a car and this bitch asked me what my credit score was. I didn’t know what it was so I told her my xbox live gamer score. I drove off the lot with a brand new viper. MLIB
    
    
14. Today my friend who just happens to be a bitch said that “all guys want is sex.” I replied “That isnt true. We also need sandwiches from time to time.”
    
    
15. Today I met the president. I said “whattup brobama” and we fist bumped. MLIB.
    
    
16. Today my girlfriend asked me, "If a tree falls in the forest and noones there to hear it, does it make a sound?" I reminded her that there aren't any trees in the kitchen, so she doesnt have to worry. MLIB
    
    
17. So my Bitch just tole me I need to see things from a woman's point of view. So I went and looked out the kitchen window. MLIB
    
    
18. My bro was buying a case of natty ice and I bought a lottery ticket. As we were walking out I realized I won $200.I turned around and bought 15 more cases of natty. Bro, MLIB
    
    
    
19. My piss has more alcohol in it than your beer does. MLIB
    
    
20. Today I was at a girls lacrosse game, and i realized for every girls lacrosse game their are over 24 empty kitchens…a real tragedy.
    
    
21. Today I couldn't figure out which shirt to wear...
    
    
22. So I went shirtless
    
23. MLIB
    
    
24. Jared from Subway must be the chillest bro ever, bitches make him sandwiches for a living.
    
    
25. Today, my 8 year old bro got sent to the principle’s office for back handing a girl in his class because she didn’t give him her snack. I’ve taught him well. MLIB.
    
    
26. Today i went to the docters and this hot lady docter told me to take off my pants. So i asked her what any other guy would ask. “Will u suck my dick while your at it”? She did. mlib
    

Clearly, MLIB.

1. Im not a hoe, Im a bro. Now get back in the kitchen bitches.
   
   
2. The bros on this site better stop asking for me to make them a sandwich or else I’ll **** you so hard you’ll never think of a sandwich again. MLIH
   
   
3. Im a bro, while viewing these submissions i was thinking “Wow a lot of bitches have computers in there kitchens…”
   
   
4. If I lost my virginity in a 4 way who do I say took my v-card? The guy who came first? The guy who penetrated first? The guy who made me cum first? or the guy whos child it is? MLIH!
   
   
5. spitters are quitters. MLIH.
   
   
6. I’m on the show Jersey Shore. MLIH
   
   
7. I love penis.
   
   
8. Ive ****ed over 135 guys and my secret to never getting pregnant is when i ask if they have a condom and they say no i tell them ok thats fine i want to mother your child and magically they always find a condom. MLIH
   
   
9. Today, my boyfriend and I had sex on the kitchen table. He wanted to do it in the bedroom but I told him I feel awkward when I’m not in the kitchen. MLIH
   
   
10. Yeah..sometimes I wish my life was bro. But then again, I only have to make some dude a sandwhich to get ****ed. That’s pretty chill.
    
    
11. Ready. set. blow. MLIH
    
    
12. Today, I ruined 3 marriages, 4 relationships, and a classroom of third graders’ innocence. MLIH
    
    
13. Today I made love to my husband on the kitchen table imported from Italy. Then I made my pool boy Fernando clean it, followed by me and him also making love on it. Then I made my husband clean it when he got home. MLIH
    
    
14. today, i found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me. so i asked him to hang out. i gave him a blowjob and put his cum on his ****ing sandwhich. i gave it to him and he told me that my sandwich making skills were getting better. MLIH
    
    
15. I’ve ****ed every guy at my school, so now I’m a lesbian. MLIH
    
    
16. I live in the city of Cumming. To the right of my house is a BJ’s and to the left is a Dick’s. Oh, did I mention that I work at Subway? MLIH
    
    
17. Today, I was asked what I want to be when I grow up, I told them my sole life goal is to be a MILF. MLIH
    
    
18. iInstead of candy i suck on flavored condoms. I don’t get what the problem is, there’s like no calories. MLIH
    
    
19. i ****ed my anatomy and physiology teacher for a better grade…he gave me a 69. MLIH
    
    
20. today, I posted a “will make sandwich for sex” ad on craigslist. IMLH?
    
    
21. Since all these stories are fake, I’ll tell you a real one. A few months ago I met this guy over the Internet. We sexted and sent pics. He came to my house after I told him my address and we ****ed. My actual boyfriend walked in on us so instead of getting mad he ****ed me in the ass while my Internet partner rammed my pussy. After that they ate me out and I gave them head at the same time. I love my lips. MLIH
    

Clearly, MLIH.

Today i went to the docters and this hot lady docter told me to take off my pants. So i asked her what any other guy would ask. “Will u suck my dick while your at it”? She did. mlib

Today my girlfriend complained that she was hungry and we were out of lunchmeat and condiments from the last sandwich she made me.

I pulled out a sausage and told her if she didn't talk with her mouth full she could have some condiments in a minute. MLIB

These just are repetitive and un-funny.

Holy ****ing shit those MLIB statements suck dick I can just imagine some faggot saying them.