(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); i got these off of an app that i have on my cell phone.

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Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like heck. I guess I'd better see a doctor.' 'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart . Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars. . . A lot cheaper than a doctor.' So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart. That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.. Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1 Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.. (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant with Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5 . If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better! Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.


Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with the hot girl at work, but she had a boyfriend. One day Eddie got so desperate that he went to her & said, "I'll give you a $100 if you will let me have sex with you." The girl looked at him shocked and said "Hell no!" He said "I'll be real quick-I'll throw the money on the floor, U bend over to get it, & I'll be finished by the time you have picked it up!" She thought for a moment and told him that she would have to talk to her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200. Pick up the money really really fast, and he won't even be able to get his pants down!" She agreed and accepts the proposal. 30 minutes go by and the boyfriend is still waitin for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks, "What the **** happened?" Still breathin hard she managed to reply, "That bastard had all QUARTERS!!!!


The teacher ask timmy "why is your cat at school today?" timmy *crying* "because i heard my daddy say to my mommy im going to eat that pussy when the kids leave

LOL at your sig :y:


To the thread, ill have a look at these jokes later

pointless thread GTFO

Thx Bro your the kingg of Awesomeness!!