Originally posted by Equinox
Okay so i'm dating this girl i have had a crush on since the 3rd grade. I'm a freshman in highschool now. Anyways, im really attracted to her and all, but we never have anything to talk about. I'm more into music, skating, and weed, while she isn't really into anything. We seriously just walk together in silence. The only thing i ask her all day is "How is your day going?".
I don't want to break her heart, because she REALLY REALLY loves me, like, ALOT; But i don't want to be in a boring relationship either.
So should i break up with her or not? Is there anything you guys talk about with your girlfriends that i could try?
Right... this is an interesting point and I'd like to know more because depending on your situation this could be a very different relationship.
My overall advice is this. Consider your hobbies. You say you hobbies are music, skating and smoking weed. Well first things first, smoking weed isn't a damn hobby. While I've no issue with people smoking weed, don't do it around her, don't mention it around her, and don't try to get her involved. If she doesn't smoke weed herself, she probably doesn't want to and it'll likely put her off just as much as getting pissed at a bar with her would. This is something you do with your mates, not with her... but that aside let's look at other things...
Music and skating... that's really not much, you're unlikely to find someone who's interests are the same as yours there. (especially as I'm guessing your interest in music isn't a complete interest, you don't care about Jazz or Classical do you). You need to become a little introspective. Obviously you're on here, so you like video games, does she? perhaps you could play together.
My hobbies are as follows. Tabletop RPGs, Horror/Thriller Films, Sci-Fi TV, Rollerblading, Horror Novels, Studying Science, Rollercoasters, Swimming, World Politics, Debating Religion, 80's Rock Music, Video Games, Snooker, Studying Ancient/Medieval History, Stand-Up Comedy, Chinese Food, Sculpture & Relief Painting, Archery, Martial Arts and Online Forums/YouTube (obviously).
The above list of hobbies, that will allow me to find something in common, it'll give me a way to break the ice and find a connection with someone. So consider what are your hobbies.
The second thing you need to consider is, try something new. I started Aikido (a Martial Art) because I wanted something to share with a girlfriend at the time. I joined a Living History Re-enactment group for another. I started watching black humour dramatic TV with another. These are all things that are close to my current hobbies, so I'd probably enjoy anyway, and in return they've done similar things with me. Every girlfriend I've ever had has been a gamer to some degree within a month of meeting me. One became very big into Dynasty Warriors, another in Minecraft, one became somewhat obsessed with World Of Warcraft (that was perhaps not the best thing), one became a fan of zombie shooters on the Wii. Video games are a huge hobby, find something they enjoy. Women are often engrossed by RPGs and story driven games, FPSs are usually a no-go zone. When it comes to films, find a genre you both enjoy and have a films night somewhat regularly. I had a girlfriend who loved animé so we used to watch animé every Thursday night, just the two of us. I'd cook a meal, we'd get in a bottle of Rosé (our favourite wine), and it'd usually end in the bedroom. I had another girlfriend who liked sci-fi drama like Farscape and black drama like Six Feet Under, we watched them together too. My most recent girlfriend was really into cheesy zombie horror films, so that's what we watch. It seems so simple, but it's all about finding bridges.
The most important part of the relationship is the time spent together, it can be too little but also too much. This is where sex comes into play. If you're having sex say once per week (I mean one night, not just one time, if you happen to have sex twice in the same night, good for you... but I'm counting that as once)... so yeah, if you're having sex once per week, you should be spending at least two days a week together, and not having sex on the other day. Now this isn't a hard and fast rule, but if you're having sex more than half the nights you're together, she'll start feeling like the relationship is all about sex and it'll slip away, conversely if you're having sex less that 1/4 of the nights you're together, you're not having enough and the relationship will start feeling stale. If you're spending two days a week together and not having sex at least once per fortnight, the relationship will start getting tense and awkward... obviously if you're only teenagers and it's all still new, less sex is understandable, likewise if you're teenagers and have just started having sex more than usual is understandable, but even for teenagers, this rule is in my opinion the golden rule of relationships. Sex should be less than 50% but more than 25% of a relationship. Also, sex is one of the things you have in common, treat it as such, make her feel special, make it romantic (and for the love of God, make sure SHE has an orgasm as well, don't just blow your load and leave it). It doesn't need to be cheesy, you don't need silly music, candles and rose petals, but just make sure you're both having fun and take your time. Sex is quality time together, make her see this too. All my girlfriends enjoyed sex with me because I put some effort it, and never was it made out to be a reward for me and a chore for them, as I've heard in many other couples (and seen in many irritating sit-coms). But what about other things...
Well, you should make sure about half the times you're seeing each other you're actively doing something. Don't just turn up with nothing planned. Have somewhere to go, or an activity in mind. Even if it's only going to the cinema or having a meal. If you're spending the night in with a DVD or game that's fine too as that's still a planned activity, but make sure the next activity is out of the house so you both don't go stir crazy. This is the secret to a good relationship. Sharing time together. But remember, too much will spoil it. Let her have her own friends, same goes for you. If she's going out with her friends DON'T tag along unless your invited, and even then it's a good idea to turn it down if you've already had a night out together that week. People need time apart, they can't share all their likes together, so make sure you have that.
Well, that's about it. Try this for about 3 months, if you find this all comes naturally, then you do care for her. To make this level of effort shows a deep sense of caring which can grow into love, if there's also a physical attraction, well you're a good couple. Remember, love and infatuation are not the same. If after 3 months, it takes a concerted effort to still share your pastimes with her and find things for you to do in common, it's not going to last so break up with her, gently and with care.
Above all, for a relationship to work you need the confidence, compassion and honesty. Don't lie and certainly never cheat, you're better than that, and people who do such gain no respect from their peers. Don't be shy or coy, tell her how you feel, be honest, tell her you motives and what you want from her. If you want a sexual relationship, make sure she knows, never pressure or force, but honesty is always the best way. Be compassionate, especially with sex, let her know you want to share the act with her because you like and respect her, not because you want something to put your penis in. Outside of sex, don't force your hobbies on her, few girlfriends will sit and play call of duty and consider it "quality time", so don't try and make her. Share what she wants to share, be mindful of her emotions. This is how you make things work.
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you both, and if not I hope you each leave with a happy memory of passion and caring to look back on. Remember time is precious, and when someone chooses to spend some of their very limited time on this world with you, it's the most valuable gift they can give. Respect it, never throw it in their face, and even in a break up, you'll leave with a fond place in each others heart and ready to find someone new to share with again.