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First off, I would like to give a huge THANK YOU to everyone who participated, I did not expect a 10-15 voter turnout, much less 22. I hope maybe after a few weeks that this might catch on, because getting some of this information together was a joy and it's nice to see some people interested in reading it.

Anyway, I'll post the David Cameron thread with this and tomorrow I will post Ron Paul's thread and on Monday (April 23) I will post the 2nd poll of Witty Banter - Week 2.

Enjoy!

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"Fuck you David Cameron."


"I agree with that man."


"Well, you know, it was the 80s. If you weren't mushing in a wooden toboggan then you weren't hip."



David Cameron (sometimes just known as "Dave") is the current chief git claiming to be in charge of the British. At a public ceremony costing millions of dollars he was sold by Gordon Brown to the fictional character known as Nick Clegg.



Cameron deliberately abstained in a vote on allowing same sex couples, unmarried couples and bi-curious sinners to adopt children - against a whip to oppose; his abstention was noted. As was the licking he received from the whip.



David Cameron still refuses to answer "yes" or "no" to allegations that he was a crackhead at university. His friend and Conservative Party Spokeswoman, Gordon Brown has on several occasions stated on Cameron's behalf that it was "all a long time ago, and nobody can remember a thing, except that David was a great guy with the smallest penis we have ever seen, which he insisted on showing us all".

Allegations arose when a farmer in Cornwall noticed David Cameron molesting a sheep. All concerns were dismissed however when the sheep turned out to actually be Margaret Thatcher.



He has already been targeted by the 'Please Go Away, David' campaign, a group comprised of

• Those with a memory exceeding six seconds
  
• Sane human beings
  
• Everyone with a soul

Unfortunately, this movement won’t make Cameron go away until 2015. This was executed by initiating a fixed term parliament and then by dictating that motions of no confidence in the commons must be passed by a [s]55%[/s] 60% majority.



Basic Policies

• Freedom is Slavery
  
• Thoughts are Crime
  
• No electoral or constitutional reform to be carried out will endanger the Tories remaining in power.
  
• Only men of the right quality shall be able to vote, as in You must login or register to view this content. that Cameron fetishes.
  
• Children are to be taken from their parents at birth and sent to stupefaction correctional facilities to learn correct behaviors.
  
• All members of the ‘lower class’ instantly become the personal property of the closest millionaire.
  
• Only sports to be played are Cricket and Badminton, no working man’s sports like Football.

Education Policies

• The outright abolition of state education.
  
• Getting rid of the EMA bullshit.
  
• The useless city of Manchester to be razed to the ground and in its place a huge super academy to be built for children aged 6-25 to be educated, at a cost of £150,000 a year.
  
• Fox hunting to be added to the National Curriculum. In the absence of any foxes: illegal immigrants, homeless people, gays, Muslims, Jews or women shall suffice.
  
• Sex education for women abolished from the curriculum and replaced by adaptive on-site training provided by local Conservative party members.
  
• Abolish Economics, a subject of which he has absolutely no knowledge of.

Crime

• Fight drug crime with ‘tough love’ as per his Hug a Hoodie campaign (pictured below to the right).
  
• Positive discrimination – Although not everyone’s a pure white male, you can still collect with your local minority groups.
  
• More people in prison year on year at no additional expense to the taxpayer, thanks to the magic of [s]spending[/s] guns.
  
• Every person earning at least over £450,000 annually, to be entitled to shoot at people roaming his or her land but only during Common People Season.
  
• The eradication of all poor people, therefore eradicating crime itself.

Foreign Policies

• Forcing
  
• Don’t mention the war
  
• Or the other war
  
• Being mean to the UKIP
  
• Courting Zionism
  
• Courting fascism
  
• Courting the U.S.
  
• Courting Nicolas Sarkozy
  
• Courting Barack Obama
  
• Wanting Barack Obama
  
• Wanting to be Barack Obama
  
• The regaining of the Galactic Empire

Domestic Policies

• Forced labor to those who do not have knighthood or peerage.
  
• Abolition of taxes for the rich.
  
• Free air travel for pensioners, by catapult - which gives them travel, a thrill and the lost liability of having to pay off the pension.
  
• Abolition of NHS – if you can’t afford the treatment you don’t deserve to be treated.
  
• The rich must hug the poor before administering a lethal injection.
  
• Only people with Oxbridge degrees may participate in government.
  
• The Reunification of the Tory Party with the BNP.
  
• Pretending to be emotional in times of crisis while really crippling the economy and fucking over the middle class.
  
• All pasties sold from Greggs for the middle and lower class to have an increased VAT.[sup]2[/sup]

Defense

• Let Americans do it

You forget the part about where he like to fuck horses whilst fox hunting whilst riding on top of his wife, who looks like a horse, whilst at the same time taking a shit on the people in the Military, emergency services and the poor in one sitting.

Still, it's a good read and made me laugh on this abysmal Saturday night.

BTW, Pasties have a 20% tax if they are hot.

You forgot the abolishment of the NHS!

I did not, it's the 4th point under his Domestic Policies!