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Q: What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
A: Before the First Period.

Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"

Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.

Q: what do you call a leisbean dinosaur?
A: lick-alot-of-pus

My sex life...