Post: My first rhyme (sort of)
07-16-2012, 01:02 AM #1
DinoFreak
I'm le back
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Okay to start off,
Please no hate comments neither flamming comments,
This is my first rhymes im just starting out im not thinking of becomming a pro at rhymes
im just doing this for fun.

So please try to understand.


"In this school there are only idiots,
Except my friends since they are brilliant,
In this school there are only wannabe's,
Not my friends since they wanna be themselfs,

I've never seen a school like this,
wtf i just realized that these idiots dont give a fuck about this,
why even bother talking to them,
i may not sing like "eminem"
but i know these fuckers don't even know about him,

Hey guess what?,
Fuck your life,
these guys are all a bunch of lowlifes,
bye bye, see you in the afterlife,

There MIGHT be some idiots that will understand me,
but every single idiots that can't and will not understand me,
these guys call me their "daddy"
fuck that, i ain't yo daddy."

Message of the "rhyme"
In my school there are idiots
who only think about themselfs
and they think their supperior to others
they make fun to me and my friend (all the time)
but i just ignored them and live my life like
everybody else, but even when you don't expect it
they come out of nowhere and start hating or watever you wanna call it.

Edit2:
(thanks to You must login or register to view this content. and one of my friends for telling me that i rhymed "life" 3 times im gonna try to edit this part and make it better with time)

Edit3:
(I edited the part where i rhymed life 3 times) Smile
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07-16-2012, 01:15 AM #2
Pretty nice rhymes bro! Keep it up. :y:
07-16-2012, 01:17 AM #3
Originally posted by CookeiMonztah View Post
Okay to start off,
Please no hate comments neither flamming comments,
This is my first rhymes im just starting out im not thinking of becomming a pro at rhymes
im just doing this for fun.

So please try to understand.


"In this school there are only idiots,
Except my friends since there are brilliant,
In this school there are only wannabe's,
Not my friends since they wanna be themselfs,

I've never seen a school like this,
wtf i just realized that these idiots dont give a fuck about this,
why even bother talking to them,
i may not sing like "eminem"
but i know these fuckers don't even know about him,

Hey guess what?,
Fuck your life,
Im gonna live my life,
with my best friends of my life,

There MIGHT be some idiots that will understand me,
but every single idiots that can't and will not understand me,
these guys call me their "daddy"
fuck that, i ain't yo daddy."


nice one rhyming this, with this. very original and creative.
oh and rhyming life 3 times in a row.
also "there are brilliant".. they are*

not sure if srs or trolling.
07-16-2012, 01:20 AM #4
CLM
[b]They say sorry Mr. West is..[/b]
You rhyme the same words too much, you're reaching a bit with your rhymes (ex: Idiot and brilliant), flow is whack because it doesn't keep with a beat aka your sentences get too stretched (ex: I like to run, But don't call me a man named Mister Forrest Gump).

Also, I'm not sure what the message is you're trying to convey? All I really got about that is eff everyone and the world except me and my friends.

Just constructive criticism :y:

The following user thanked CLM for this useful post:

DinoFreak
07-16-2012, 01:26 AM #5
Toke
PC Master Race
ok better than my stuff, its bad tbh
07-16-2012, 01:27 AM #6
DinoFreak
I'm le back
Thanks mate i thought i was gonna get flamed.

The message is that well in my school everyone just makes fun of me and my friends because they think they run the school.

And they feel cool about it.

And my one of my friends told that i rhymed 3 times life i know i did lol
i just didint came up with something else lol sorry.

But many thanks really im gonna try to make it much better. Winky Winky

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