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So if you have some funny stories about when you were shit face drunk, write them out for all to enjoy. Hold nothing back. The more embarrassing the better!


Halloween 2005 -

Usually Halloween with my buds and I consists of running around with a chainsaw, scaring kids and getting recklessly drunk. 2005 was no exception. In fact, we had a keg that we stole from a shitty party this Halloween, so extra fun was sure to happen. This'll be short though. After leaving the party with the keg, we made our way to my parent's neighborhood and posted up at a friend's garage and started drinking. In about 2 hours we were all hammered. More and more friends showed up and throughout the night we were scaring little kids who came up for candy. Around 12am someone got the great idea to go pumpkin smashing. So we all hopped in the bed of my buddy P's truck and commenced the smashing. We needed ammo so we loaded up on pumpkins from around the neighborhood.
I picked up a huge, uncarved pumpkin from some idiot's house and was just itching to take a mail box out. So we're driving down the street and I spot the perfect box. I hoist the massive pumpkin up over my shoulders and with a great heave, I toss it. We were driving at the same time, and I'm in the bed of the truck. So momentum has a funny little way of launching this pumpkin past my intended target, and DIRECTLY INTO THE REAR WINDSHIELD OF A PARKED CAR.
It absolutely destroyed the window and the roof of the car. Needless to say, that ended the night very quickly.


First Time in Jail -

My childhood friend Larry and I would regularly get shit housed in front of my parents house while hanging out next to my van with the music up loud. This night we were drinking a handle (1.75 liter) of Black Velvet whiskey and smoking copious amounts of marijuana. We were loud and stupid all night. Around 1am a friend arrives to drink with us. Then he tells us he has a potato gun down the street at his pad, so he runs and gets it. About 20 minutes later we're shooting potatoes and tomatoes at passing cars out of this extremely loud air cannon, and it just has us in tears with laughter.
One car decides he's gona be a hero and stops to talk shit to three, psychotic drunk assholes with a loaded potato gun. I got up in his face and punked him out back into his car and he drove off. This is where everything went down hill.

About 15 minutes go by, and we hear tires screech around the corner. It's two cop cars, lights on and blaring, racing up to us. Chris (the guy with the potato gun) suddenly then realizes that he's on probation AND has meth and a pipe in his pocket and decides the best thing to do would be to run into my parents house. The cops sweep in, tackle the living SHIT out of Chris on my lawn right in front of my mom. Luckily he tossed the pipe and meth (don't ask why he had that, we didn't know). Meanwhile Larry and I are yelling and fighting with the other cops.

We all get arrested for drunk in public and are taken to the station. While in the drunk tank, I tell a cop that I have to take a piss and, him with his awesome sense of humor, tells me to use a "porta-potty". So I decided to just start SCREAMING with laughter at how ridiculously funny he was and told him he should quit the force and do stand-up. That pissed them off so they threw me in the "mexican" cell with all the gang bangers, with no blanket or sleeping mat lol. 2 hours later I wake up, Larry is in the same cell with me (with a sleeping mat) and there's a guy taking a shit next to me. That was the first time I went to jail.


The Val Verde Party -

I was already blacking out drunk on the way to this party. Val Verde is a shitty ghetto town that is mostly inhabited by gang members. Why did we go to a party there? Fuck if I know. I was drunk. So right off the bat I'm pissing people off. Walking around slurring my words, touching girls I didn't know and pissing their boyfriends off. There was a small refrigerator with beer in it on a deck and I tried to reach for it. I got the handle of the door, opened it, and then started falling backwards. I took the whole fridge down, with all the beer AND fell over a small fence completely destroying it. Some guys picked me up and started talking shit, shoving me, and eventually they shoved me into this MASSIVE fucking huge gang banger named Diesel (lol I know wtf). So I turn around and he says "what's up little punk?!"
This is when I said the stupidest thing I've ever said. I looked up at him. And I mean looked UP. He was like 20 feet tall at this point. And I uttered the words "what dude? You don't know me.. but I can throw my fists, bud" and shoved him.

2 seconds later this giant of a man is holding me by my neck over a fire pit, and everyone is cheering him on telling him to drop me in the fire. Out of nowhere my friend grabs me and just Heismans me out of there, and someone yells "COPS! SCATTER!". So everyones in a mad dash for their cars and I lose my friends. I'm screaming piss drunk bat shit crazy at this point. Some random dude grabs me and pulls me from the cops and takes me back up this hill to the house. Trying to find my friends and my ride home, I fell down a hill and through like 30 huge bushes. I get up to my buddy's girl's car, covered in shrubbery, and I'm still raving like a lunatic. My friend Nathan gets the great idea to try to knock me out so they can get me out of there.
He takes four, full on swings, right at my face. Misses the first time. Hits me the next three. Nothing happens to me whatsoever. So they shove me in the car and drive off. Was hungover like shit the next day.


Second Trip to Jail =D

Drinking at my friend Mike N's apartment, more whiskey. I blacked out after the bottle and decided to slap Mike across the face ridiculously hard for zero reason. So he kicks me out. Now I'm outside. It's cold. I'm black out drunk and EVERY apartment looks the same. After wandering around for a minute I come across some girl going to her car, and she's smoking. So I ask her for a smoke and she says they're in her car. So I start following her. It's like 3am, and some wildly drunk guy is following you to your car? Yeah. She gets in her car and I decide to just get in as well. She didn't like that very much and kicked me out. So I'm alone and wandering again. And I never got a smoke from her...

So I hear people partying in an apartment and I say to myself "AH there's Mike's place.." I walk right up to the door, open it right up and walk straight in. In to this complete stranger's apartment who is having a small kick back in his place. Needless to say, they didn't like some random drunk person walking into their apartment and quickly removed me from the premises.

So now I'm back outside stumbling around and I walk around a corner right into a cop car. Apparently the girl who's car I tried to jump into had called the cops on me. So I got to go spend another night in jail. This time I was by myself though, which kind of sucked. But they dropped all charges because I had been on private property. So it's basically like I didn't even go to jail .


Anyways. I have plenty more stories. Write some of your own fun stories from drunken nights past. I find them fun to read and fun to remember. (if you can remember lol)

So this was a few years ago when I was 14 (I know, I'm a badass drinking at 14 before you fgts tell me a hundred times) and I was at this party in my friend Craig's house. He had an older sister who was 17 at the time who was throwing it but we just ended up there. Anyway about 2am there wasn't many people left, just me Craig and about seven of my sisters friends in the tv room. Me and Craig were sitting on the bean bags in the corner with this big ass 5 litre bottle of vodka that we were sharing. We were completely out of it by this point, and Craig's sister had this really hot friend who is sitting on the couch right in front of my and Craig. She was wearing this really short dress and Craig tries to whisper to me that he could see her thong up the dress, but instead, in the drunken state he's in, he shouts it out and everyone turns to look at him. She quickly snaps her legs shut so we can't see anymore and her boyfriend who was there too starts shouting at Craig for looking up his girlfriends skirt. Everyone starts trying to calm him down, including me and he eventually flips out and throws an ornament off the coffee table beside him at Craig, but misses and the ornament smashes the window leaving Craig and me cut like hell. He starts grabbing more stuff and tries to hit Craig, but keeps missing and the ornaments smash off the wall. 10 minutes into this we hear sirens and the cops come up. He runs off with this other guy that was there, and leaves his girlfriend. The cops come around the back of the house and see the window smashed and me and Craig cut up. Then Craigs sister, being the bitch she is tells the cops me and Craig got into a fight and that's how the window and ornaments are all smashed around the place. They arrest the two of us and bring us to the cop station and call both our parents. In the end, I had to clean up the house, pay half the money to get the window fixed and both of us got a JLO for fighting, disturbing the peace and underage drinking. Spent 6 months getting regular visits from a JLO officer after that..

I have more, just no time to write them up yet.

Ok so another night after drinkin' with the buds, I decided to walk home. On the way home I heard some people hanging out at a house. So I decided to just randomly knock on the door and see if I could chill. A girl answers the door and lets me in. Upon entering, she immediately starts grabbing my package. I shit you not this really happened. She said "oo nice" and we went outside. So I'm sitting there and its her and two other guys. I turn to her and say "can you show me to the bathroom?"

We fucked.

The end.