(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Hello Guys,
Since Christmas is just around the corner, I have taken it upon myself to give 3 people One Months worth of Elite.

All you have to do to enter is Reply to this thread with your BEST joke.
(Yes, a very different approach to giveaways)

The top 3 that make me laugh will be picked on January 1st (I go on Holiday on the 23rd so will not be online for Christmas, obviously) - This also gives you time to find the best joke.

Good Luck and Merry Christmas to you all.

Some bloke walked up to the counter and said, "Burger and chips, please."

"Certainly, Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"

"Fuck off you ****," he snapped, before walking off with his food.

I love working in the prison canteen.

Good job so far guys, I've already seen a few ones that cracked me up.
Keep them coming.

this is a true story
a high school student goes to mcdonalds and orders a vanilla cone the cashier goes and serves it when the guy gets it walks a few steps, turned around and asked her: "hey baby do you believe in unicorns?"
she said:" no"
the dude responded:"well i do" and put the vanilla cone in his forehead acting like it was a horn

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.. "What does it look like?" She finally asked. The policewoman replied, "its a square and it has your picture on it. "The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is" she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay , you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop"

Dad: Son, if you don't stop masturbating you will go blind.
Son: Dad, I'm over here.

If me and you was the last two people on earth i was use you as bait to catch me food

Never heard this one before, thanks for sharing!

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, >_< she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job." lol heard this before and had to share win or lose makes me laugh
Oh and i reached 50 post now

Thats very kind of you