(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); There was an older man that was married to a much younger woman, and he was having trouble lasting long enough in bed. So he went to the doctor and was told he should please himself before having sex and he would last longer. One day as 5 o'clock rolls around, he gets a call from his wife who says she's very horny. On his way home, he remembers what the doctor said and decides to jerk it before he gets home. He thinks, "Well, I can't do it in the car, but if I get under it I can pretend I'm fixing my car." So he gets under the car, closes his eyes, and starts jerkin it. A few minutes later, there's a tug at his pants leg. In order to keep the image of his beautiful wife, he doesn't open his eyes, but just hollers, "Yeah?" "I'm Officer Brown. What are you doing down there?" "Well, officer, I'm checking my axle; I think it's come lose." "Well, mister, while you're down there, you might wanna check your brakes; your car's 2 blocks down the road crashed into a tree."

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams.
To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously
formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam
suddenly burst out laughing and furt! her embarrassed him.
He looked up from his work and sheepishly said,
"I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."


One day there was a little girl and it was her birthday, but her parents had to go out for the night so they hired a babysitter and told him to let the girl do whatever she wanted to do because it was her birthday.

So when the parents left, the little girl was playing and the babysitter got tired so he said "I'm going to take a shower and the little girl said "Oh, can I take a shower with you?" and the babysitter said " Uh, O.K. Just don't look down."

When they were taking a shower the little girl dropped the shampoo and when she picked it up she saw his dick and said "What's that?"

The guy said "Um, it's a rubber ducky" and the girl says "O.K."

Then the babysitter said "I'm tired I'm going to go to sleep." and the girl says "Can I go to sleep with you?" and the guy says "Um, O.K. Just don't look under the covers."

So when they're in the bed there's a thunderstorm and the girl gets scared and hides under the covers. Then she looks at the guys dick and says "Can I play with your rubber ducky because I'm scared" and the guy says " Uh, O.K." and he falls asleep.

The next morning he looks at the bed and he sees the there is blood all over the place and he asks the little girl "What Happened" and the little girl says"The rubber ducky spit at me so I chopped it's head off."

There was a young girl who lived up in the hills of Tennessee. She was about to turn sixteen, and couldn't wait to get her driver's license.

She had been subjected to much ribbing from her older brother, telling her that she was too dumb to get her license.

When the big day came around, she passed the test with flying colors.

She rushed home and asked her father if she could use the car that night so she and her friend could go in to town where all the cool kids were at.

The father said, "Sure honey, but you'll have to give me a ******** first."

Wanting to go to town real bad, she agreed.

As she went down on her father, she suddenly jumped up an said "Dad your dick tastes like ****"

Oh yea, her father replied, "I forgot, your brother's got the car tonight.


These two guys (we'll call them Jack and Paul) really waited a few drinks but didn't have enough money.
"I have an idea!" says Paul. He takes the money, runs into a supermarket and comes out with a sausage.
"Okay here's the plan. We'll go into a bar, order a few drinks and when the bartender asks for the money, I'll pull this sausage out of you pants and suck." Jack wasn't sure. "Trust me it will work." Paul reassured so Jake puts the sausage in his pants.
So they go into a bar, order some drinks and down them. When the bartender asked the money, Paul kneels down, unzips Jake's fly and starts sucking on the sausage.
"You sick b@stards! GET OUT OF MY BAR!" yells the bartender. So they get thrown out. "See it worked!" says Paul. So they walk into several bars and do this for the whole night. At midnight, Paul falls on the ground. "Man, my knees are killing me!"
"You think that bad?" says Jack. "I lost the sausage at the second bar."

hope you liked them

+rep thank and nominate

wow this must of took a long time. i didnt read it but ima rep and nom. becaz its long.

do the same back plz

why wouldn't you read it o.O
and not that hard to make it 1.Google search 2.read 3.copy 4.paste XD

Lol these are all funny. Where do you find them?

post above you i just Googled them

lmao nice xD

Lol all of these r pretty good(though I've known the second one for a few years). Thanks though