(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); March 24, 2007, Warehouse with an infinite amount of ammo-

So I got the job in the S.A.S., I had the very strange sensation that someone was watching me. I don't know why my name is Soap. I mean, I'm not very clean. But I decided to deal with it, and some guy named Gaz told me how to walk forward, shoot a gun, shoot a gun past plywood cover, aim, pull out my sidearm, and how to auto aim, christ, I'm not a noob and other crap etc., etc. I mean, how desperate must they be for new soldiers if they have to tell me, some guy named 'Soap', how to shoot a gun. I also was taught how to slaughter watermelons. My mother would be proud.

After I got the hang of shooting a gun, Gaz told me to meet with the rest of the guys at the next warehouse. I used my compass, which interestingly does not point north.. but points in the direction of my objective, which, at the time, is to talk to Captain Price. I suddenly realized that I had to pee.

So I met the rest of the team, who all had strange British accents. They asked me questions, which they didn't let me answer, and immediately directed me to go up a ladder. A ladder. Why is it a ladder? Why can't I just do the exercise on the ground? Is it too much to ask? But no, I have to rope down to shoot cardboard cut-outs of people who look exactly like SAS members. Are they promoting friendly-fire? If so, then why am I instantly killed when I shoot my ally? And why do they not react to my bullets? Everything just fades away...

And then I respawn at the apparent checkpoint, ready to restart the exercise. I have to wait for Cap'n Price to shut his yap, then the most amazing thing happened. The rope began glowing yellow, as if it was telling me it was important somehow. I'm serious. And I wasn't even high at the time. Something's wrong with that rope.

I still have to pee. And I just roped 10 feet down to the floor. It ruined my time for the exercise, and there's not a bathroom anywhere in sight. How do these people live? Can't I just take one bathroom break? What's wrong with you people?

Because of this, a flash grenade happened to bounce against the wall next to the door and landed behind me. I turned my head away and closed my eyes, and somehow still ended out blinded. That's really lame. I mean, seriously. It's almost the lame as the time I lagged and teleported directly above the grenade I just threw. That happens more than you think it does.

So even though I failed the test, they gave me as many chances to do it again as I wished, but refused to give me any more ammo to help me to do with, so when Cap'n tells me to "Shoot the targets!", I don't have any ammo to shoot them with, so I must use my knife, which is called "Knifing the targets". I don't know why this is allowed. I don't know how the targets know that they're supposed to be dead when I knife them. In the end I failed the test, but no, they still let me on the mission, and they also asked me how retarded i want the enemy to be!?

I hope the cargo ship operation goes better.

Also, Rep me if you like.