(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); ok everyone i am doin a comp for the best joke its starts today and will end on the 12th so get your jokes in and have a chance to win 100k in vbux

Just post the jokes here?

A very rich individual decided he wanted a house built, and hired a contractor. He offered to pay twice the normal rate for the building, but only if the contractor used every building material he ordered - down to the last brick. Any waste, and he wouldn't pay for the house.

So the contractor was very meticulous and managed to finish the job. He arrived on site to show it to the buyer. As he walked up to the porch, he saw a single brick lying on the ground. He picked it up, knowing it could break the deal if the buyer saw it. Just then, he noticed the buyer pulling in the drive. In a panic, he threw the brick straight up in the air, as high as he could.

The buyer got out of his car, inspected and purchased the house, and the contractor walked away a happy and well paid man.

What do you say to a girl with 2 black eyes?

-

Nothing, you've already told her twice.

LOL! I liked that one .

Here's mine..

Once apon a time there were three kids, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. The redhead found a lamp and she rubbed it, then a genie came out. The genie said go down a slide and while your going down, shout out your favorite drink and you'll land in it. The brunette went down the slide and screamed chocolate milk! Then she landed in chocolate milk. The redhead went down and she shouted sprite! and she landed in sprite. The blonde went down the slide and yelled WEEEEE!

A joke?
Your face.

Okay, maybe that last one wasn't too funny.... how about this:

There was an old lady riding a plane with her pet poodle. The man in front of her was smoking a cigar. She tapped him on the shoulder and asked "can you please put that out? It's bothering my dog."
He replied "no" and blew smoke in her face.
She said "Sir, either you put that cigar out, or I will throw it out the window."
And the man said, "If you do, I'll throw your dog out the window."
Not beliving that anyone would do that to her precious poodle, she grabbed his cigar and threw it out the window. Then the man grabbed the dog and threw it out the window.
Just then, the pilot looked out the window and guess what he saw. (highlight for punchline)
...a brick.

Who knock's and knock's but never gets in? The testicles!

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How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken

Whats worse than a dead baby?
Two dead babies
Whats worse than that?
A pile of dead babies
Whats worse that that?
A live one on the bottom
Whats worse than that?
It eats its way to the top
Whats worse than that?
It goes down for seconds

Whats the difference between a dead baby and a ferrari?
A ferrari isnt in my garage

What do you call a dead baby with no arms or legs on your wall?
Art

How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them

Little girl walk's into her bathroom whilst her dad is in the bath...

"Daddy" she say's, "what is that between your leg's?"

"It is called a willy darling" reply's the Dad.

"When will I get a willy?" ask's the girl.

The Dad reply's "In about 10 minutes, when your mum fu*k's off to bingo.......