.Taco
Counter Strike: Nerd Offensive
the trend with a lot of these, is that you like to oversmudge the focal, or croud it with C4D's and effects, try to open it up a bit and have them supporting the focal. Looks like you have the concept of a light source just about in the bag so i'm gunna leave ya alone on that one, as for text, meh nobody likes it lol.
On a more opiniotive note; i think you should soften up your effects as well and throw in some better flow with the renders, also try color masks with complimentary colors and whatnot. experiment brutha.