(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); The PlayStation Network is down and there’s no exact timeframe for its return. This is obviously very frustrating for anyone who has picked up one of the big releases this weekend, especially as it’s a long weekend in the UK and many of you have time off from school or work. So here's a guide on how to survive PSN withdrawal symptoms.

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[multipage=Go outside]1. Go outside. Daunting I know. For those of you unfamiliar with the outside world think GTA but on a bigger scale. There are many things to do in this territory. You can try this thing called exercise. It can involve getting hot and sweaty. My next suggestion is an example of this.

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[multipage=Masturbate]2. Masturbate. This involves beating that little thing you hide in your fat folds. We'll call this thing a sausage. Try beating the worlds longest cum shot record or explore yourself.

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[multipage=Get an Xbox]3. Get an Xbox. I'm the last person who would suggest this as I'm a massive PlayStation fanboy but Xbox Live offers many things PSN does and more. Some would argue that Xbox Live offers greater rewards. I am not one of those people.

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[multipage=Single player]4. Try single player. Have you ever loaded a game to find the option called single player? Do you even know what it is? Single player is more common than you think. It involves you and only you doing the things you would do online but against the computer. Some may say this is boring but I disagree. Unless your a noob, single player insures that you can never lose against the opponent.

[multipage=Girlfriend]5. Get a girlfriend. A girl from what I have been told is something similar to ourselves but without the sausage below. No instead they have an opening of sorts. This is where your meant to put a sausage. "Girlfriends," are there to be used. You can play with them anyway you choose. So for example, if I wanted to put my sausage into her opening, I would simply get it out, grasp the wee bastard and then insert as explained into the girlfriends opening.

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[multipage=Video]6. Watch a video. Think of a game which you have no control over. Videos are recorded for your amusement, or misery if you count Rebecca black's, Friday.



[multipage=Book]7. Read a book. I'm sure you must have read a game manual some time in your life. That can be considered a book. Books are like videos but the pictures in them don't move. Instead you have to use this thing called imagination which has been rotting away ever since you started playing online. The imagination is hard to explain but basically, you could read a book and turn it into a moving film inside your brain.

[multipage=Laugh]8. Laugh. Crying over PSN won't make you feel any better. But this will.

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If that didn't work then. Skip to no. 10

[multipage=Something useful]9. Do something useful. Don't you think that old woman across the street could use a friend? I most certainly do. Why not go over and offer her your services? By services I mean sexual favours.

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[multipage=Kill yourself]10. Kill yourself. If none of these suggestions appeal and if you can't wait another minute for PSN to come back then I think this is your only option. There are a number of ways to do this. One of the most easiest is to rage your medical cupboards for pills. Get as many pills as you can see. Now eat them all. Now depending on what you have took and the quantity, you can die from a few minutes to hours. (Btw, if your fat this might not work due to your bulk).

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[multipage=Conclusion]All joking aside, what are you doing with your time while the PSN is down? It’s nice weather for most of the UK, has anyone got the BBQ going yet?

whahahahahahah really i love this guide it made me laugh so hard i almost felt of my chair xD

I didn't know what to do, until I read your guide.
I picked number 3 because it has a mention of sausages, and I was hungry. Now I have no more sausage left. I'm a girl without any opening.

On a brighter note, Xbox Live is FREE this weekend! Who needs PSN, eh...

I was playing Portal 2 beat it now I'm gonna beat my record on zombies.

that will be 11 lol

u kill youself

Thats an okay list but you forgot the most important thing :420:

I'll 2 & 3 with a 6 while recording a 7, because it's 10.

my weekend is going to consist of going out with friends getting hammered. Maybe some pooping also.