(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Okay, so where to begin.

I'll decide to tell you guys a bit about myself. I'm a thirty-two year old child rapist with a niche for sixteen year old boys who touch themselves to Call of Duty 4. On top of that, I have a really cool handlebar mustache and armpit hair that extends past my already extended love handles. I weigh close to seven tons and wear very thick glasses and am balding due to an excessive amount of McDonalds.

Actually, I am bored and none of you are really any fun. Apart from the casual seven year old who cries about losing a flame war about whose girlfriend has bigger tits, I find this topic to already be lacking in excitement. In fact, I am more than happy to get flamed at because at least I would know that I am disliked on a forum rather than deal with the fact that people are apathetic to me and would much rather discuss penis size with other males than to discuss the awesomeness of tits.

I am a tit man. That is also my main concern with many of you. When I post tits, which I will, I expect for you guys to drool all over it and respond with heinous comments about what you would do to those amazing pair of tits that I post. Call me a pervert if you want, but I congratulate myself on having a pHD in Drunk, High, and Tits.

I also am a graduate of Man, and therefore, expect to be treated like one. When and if you post anything stupid or remotely stupid, I will congratulate you on having such a small penis. Yes, this topic will revert back to the theory of evolution and how the stupid males will always have the smallest penis. Why? Because I said so. If you want to argue this fact, and try and talk your way out of your half-retarded 86 point IQ, go for it. But I will tell you right now, that I will overshadow your stupidity with such nonsense as more tits, more gruesome stories, and more awesomeness that can only be associated with myself.

I am not drunk right now, nor am I high. I had to quit due to a recent IT Internship for some major electronics company that I won't care to mention because I am afraid, and rightfully so, that you guys would be retarded enough to actually try and engage in conversation with me when I am at work. The answer will always be no - no matter how hard you try. There is a reason I failed at technical support - when I tell you that you should not own a computer because you have the IQ of a dumpster, I say it with no personal feelings attached. Of course, you guys just have to get personal, and then I have to revert back to my theory of evolution.

My Resume will ultimately include that I am a pure genius with so many degrees, it will be hard to list them on a single sheet - so I give them my resume printed sideways. On the back, I will draw a detailed picture of tits. Any man with a pHD in man would instantly hire me on the spot - of course, as soon as they realize that I also have a pair of handlebar mustaches located on my face and on my crotch.

I believe I had a dream last night, about how awesome I was. In fact, in my dream, you all have epic failures and come to me for support. I offer you none. For I am, a man. Men don't need support.

Therefore, in conclusion to this wonderful post, I conclude that if you come to a forum asking for help in a general discussion area, you must not be a man, because real men don't need support. We need beer(preferably something rich and tasty, for the fatties, Colt 45, for the skinnies, Guiness), and we need women. Of course, beer is interchangeable with marijuana, and women is interchangeable with goats only on special occasions like Wednesdays. Most of you lack in even the goat factor, so I conclude, you are no men to my standards.

So your saying that your boring?

.

Fail.

It's a prophecy that I love.

You can tell people they are idiots for arguing, and then they'll argue with you to prove your point that they are an idiot in the first place, while they think they are actually getting somewhere.

But regardless. Thanks to Kill, I have now found out my true self. No longer am I just a thirty-two child molester of sorts, I am also a pessimistic, emotionless, and otherwise half-retarded woman/man combination, much like what you see on VH1. In fact, with his girl skills and pessimistic attitude about women, I believe this man has yet to achieve anything more than a picture or two of Jessica Simpson from a movie.

Which, don't get me wrong, Jessica Simpson does have a personality.. Much like bricks! But I see your point, Kill. See, you believe that women are tools to work your shorts. Of course, you fail to see the logic here.

Women are humans, therefore, they have (flawed) logic - much like your own. But remember, you want stuff, they want stuff. Women want your wallet, your cash, and some petty things. Men want.. well. I listed what men want. Of course, how can men achieve such great things as having a vast utopia of naked women to drive you around, feed you grapes, and bathe you while you're sleeping in a forest of nude girls? Well. It's done like this:

RUST'S TEN/TWO STEP PROCESS TO ACHIEVING A VAST UTOPIA OF NAKED WOMEN.
1. First, you must conquer your erectile dysfunction, or your 'one-minute-fun-time'. Yes, this is just for you, Kill. Just because women find that the 'Jizz in my Pants' song fits you so well, doesn't mean you have no hope! You can conquer such problems through a variety of methods. I personally like to day dream about rabid walruses when I'm having my fancy with a girl. It keeps the erection going, but yet you don't have the spazz to jizz in your pants!

2. Due to the overwhelming number of "idiot" I see here, you must stand above the crowd! Yes. I said Idiot. Singular. Everything I say and write is perfectly written in some vocabulary unknown to traditional men.. with erectile dysfunction - once again, like yourself. You must stand above the rest and display an intelligence superior to your friends and family. You must be able to talk to them about anything and everything, from sixty-year-old movies that nobody has ever watched to gay boy bands that caused the death of entire countries from the intense "gay" that appeared. This will make them happy with you, and want you around. Yes, they will want you around! Kill, this is a crucial step to your sexual life.

3. Furthermore, You must have money and confidence. Yes, this is cheesy. Women don't want a man who can't afford food for them on Saturday nights, or men who feed them the happy meal every night. Yes, I know. Sometimes, you just want a happy meal because your erectile dysfunction has got you down. But trust me, no matter how many of those happy meals you eat, you'll never get happy. You will become morbidly obese, and yes, your little wifey will leave you like the other thirty of them that you met. This will downgrade your confidence, and make you into some sort of wart on the back of society's hairy ass. You'll be strolling through forums much like these harassing everybody about the importance of life and cheeseburgers, and probably talk about how you know girls so well and have them figured out.

4. Religion! Whatever you do, act like you and jesus are best buddies. Yes. I know. Secretly, deep down inside, you're an atheist. It's a common thing. Who the hell would actually believe that a zombie jew is going to come down and save the world? Really? But guess what! You don't need to! Just act like you do, talk to your girlfriend and act like you are some religious freak. Yup, go right ahead and tell her that you've never drank or smoked, or got that tattoo located on your left buttcheek of your first pet hamster. Let the woman believe what she wants. Just make sure you don't get suckered into going to that evil place called Church to sit there in your nice clothes and listen to an old squirt, who has erectile dysfunction - like yourself - talk about a zombie jew.

5. Finally, anchor them in with tons of "love"! Yes, this means telling them that you "love" them. This "love" isn't the kind of love you show your cheeseburger late at night when you're crying to Sixteen Candles, Kill. Nope, this is the kind of love you receive when you're doggy style on her little juicebox and all you can think is how awesome you are and what is on television. Yup, this love is one of a kind. Tell her that, too. Feed her cheesy one liners talking about how awesome she is, and how her macaroni and cheese makes your heart roll around in your stomach laughing in all the cheesy love excitement. Yup, even if her macaroni and cheese tastes like chopped liver and feces - like your toothbrush - tell her that it's awesome. But if it really tastes like that, consider purchasing a dog to feed it the god awful food.


Also. Masturbation isn't fun. I know how to pound my meat in, but trust me Kill. Just because your last seven morbidly obese girlfriends thought your dick was a leftover hot dog that got ran over by a twelve-ton feces filled dumpster, it's okay. Eventually, you'll find someone who can rub that little feces pancake of yours just right to make you happy. That'll be called love.