(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); MOTHERFUCKING SHIT. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON *******. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY FUCKING SHIT DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ASSHOLE UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY FUCKING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY FORESKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DPING DOWN MY LEG. THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR FUCKING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SEEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN FUCKING 0LD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK. WHAT SHOULD I DO ngu?

Western nations are pressing for a response to the massacre in the Syrian town of Houla, with the US calling for an end to President Bashar al-Assad's "rule by murder".
UK Foreign Secretary William Hague has called for an emergency meeting of the UN Security Council this week.
The UN has confirmed the deaths of at least 90 people in Houla, including 32 children under the age of 10.
Syria's foreign ministry denied army involvement, blaming "terrorists".
Spokesman Jihad Makdissi said there was a clash in the area on Friday afternoon between security forces and armed terrorists.
He said hundreds of armed men then gathered, armed with heavy weapons including mortars and anti-tank weapons, and attacked Houla.
The government had sent a team to investigate the killings, he added.
However, activists say the Syrian military bombarded Houla after demonstrations.
Activists say some of the victims died by shelling, while others were summarily executed by the regime militia known as the "shabiha".
'Flagrant violation'The killings have sparked a chorus of international condemnation.
Mr Hague said he would lobby Russia, the regime's only major foreign ally, where he is heading, during a visit to Moscow starting on Sunday.
He wrote You must login or register to view this content.: "Will call on Russia to support rapid and unequivocal pressure on Assad regime and accountability for crimes."
You must login or register to view this content.[h=2]Analysis[/h]Shashank JoshiAssociate fellow, Royal United Services Institute
So far, there is no sign that Houla will be a game-changer. First, remember that this massacre will be interpreted differently around the world.
Many countries sympathise with the Assad's government narrative that the opposition are Arab-backed Sunni fundamentalists and terrorists.
Just as some critics argue that the massacres in Libya last year and Racak, Kosovo, in 1999 are exaggerated or fabricated, similar scepticism about Houla will persist, even in the face of incontrovertible evidence - and that will affect how the UN Security Council lines up on the issue.
Moreover, the growing role of al-Qaeda and affiliated jihadist groups in Syria has, in recent months, become a further deterrent to intervention.
American officials are terrified that support for the opposition may end up in the hands of the very same people that mounted attacks on Western forces in Iraq just a few years ago.
Above all, however, no-one wants to pick a fight with Russia.

• You must login or register to view this content.
  

US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton called it an "appalling" massacre, saying President Bashar al-Assad's "rule by murder and fear must come to an end".
In a statement on Saturday, Mrs Clinton called the deaths an "atrocity" and said Washington would increase pressure on "Assad and his cronies" to give up power.
France's Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius said he was making immediate arrangements for a Paris meeting of the Friends of Syria group.
The group includes Western and Arab nations, but not Russia or China, which have blocked previous attempts to introduce UN sanctions.
In a joint statement, UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon and UN-Arab League envoy Kofi Annan said the attack was a "flagrant violation of international law".
They said the crime involved "indiscriminate and disproportionate use of force" and violated commitments by Syria's government.
In April, Damascus pledged to implement a six-point plan brokered by Mr Annan, including a ceasefire and the withdrawal of heavy weaponry from urban areas.
Mr Annan is expected to visit Damascus on Monday to try to breathe life into the political process.
But the opposition Free Syrian Army (FSA) said it could no longer commit to the ceasefire unless the Security Council could ensure that civilians were protected.
In a statement, the FSA said that if urgent steps were not taken, then Mr Annan's plan was "going to hell".
It said killings in Syria were taking place "under the eyes of the UN observers," and called on states to "announce the failure of the Annan plan".
'eplorable'Violence in Syria has continued despite the deployment of some 260 UN observers sent to oversee a ceasefire.
The head of the observer mission in Syria, Maj Gen Robert Mood, called the massacre a "brutal tragedy", but did not say who carried out the murders.
After a UN visit to the town on Saturday, he said they could confirm "the use of small arms, machine gun, artillery and tanks".
"Whoever started, whoever responded and whoever carried out this deplorable act of violence should be held responsible," Gen Mood said.
The UN has confirmed the deaths of at least 90 people, but the opposition Syrian National Council, as well as rights groups, put the toll higher.
Activists have complained that they called for help as the massacre was taking place.
Abu Emad, speaking from Houla, said their appeals to UN monitors failed to produce action.
"We told them at night, we called seven of them. We told them the massacre is being committed right now at Houla by the mercenaries of this regime and they just refused to come and stop the massacre," he said.

I swear I am not haha its just the circumstances of this thread :p

Do you have any stories to attribute to this thread? If not, then go kick rocks.

What do you plan to do on Wednesday ? I got to talk to you we could go walk and kick some rocks together?

Sorry can't make it wednesday I'm gunna be on tour with Poison i've been their drummer since the 80s

Well this one time i was just masturbating and everything was going great. I was in my room, i had my headphones on, i was totally naked sitting at my computer fapping away to a video on *******. All of a sudden there's this really sharp pain in my dick, like it just got stabbed with a sewing needle. I jerked my hand back and it bumped into my computer tower, which sits on the desk. Well, i had my stick of deodorant on top of the tower, and that bitch fell off and landed deodorant-end-down on the head of my cock. Holy fucking shit did that hurt, and on top of that it hit so hard that it actually forced some deodorant into my urethra. I've never had anything burn so bad in my entire life. I jumped out of my fucking chair and stood up because it hurt so bad; this caused my headphone cable to get yanked out of my speakers, which caused "oh yeah baby come deep in my tight teen asshole uh uh uh" to get blared through my fucking house and almost maximum volume. Now my eyes are watering from the pain of the deodorant inside my cock but i manage to punch one of my speakers hard enough so they turn off. I looked down and noticed blood dripping off of my cock; i guess the lip of the plastic deodorant thing bit into my foreskin as it connected with my cock. The blood was dripping down my leg. This all happened in the space of maybe 6 seconds. It may seem bad but it gets worse. Just as i'm standing there trying to figure out what the fuck happened, my bedroom door fucking opens. My dad was standing there with my acceptance letter to johns hopkins. I froze and he stared at me, naked with my bloody erection for maybe 15 seconds before he noticed my computer monitor and the brutal anal sex scene going on full-screen. He immediately closed the door and left without saying anything. This may seem embarrassing but my dad is a seriously conservative christian. This happened about 15 minutes ago and he hasn't said anything to me yet. I'm still in my room trying to get the god damn fucking 0ld spice out of my cock. How was that for a story!?!?

I hate excuses women make for not having sex
like im on my period
or
get your hands off my neck i dont even know you

Well, this is completely normal, i've dropped deodorant on my cock plenty of times, and oh my does it burn so good.

Bitch please, I'm the Mayor of London.