(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); One day there was a unicorn named Charlie. Charlie was the coolest unicorn around; all the other unicorns wished they had a horn as big as Charlie’s horn. Charlie’s horn was well over 10 inches. The female unicorns enjoyed looking at Charlie’s horn of massive size. One day Charlie found a large tunnel behind a boulder, Charlie followed the tunnel for miles and miles and eventually Charlie saw these creatures he has never seen before, humans. These humans tried chasing Charlie the unicorn down and attacking him but Charlie was too fast. The humans had advanced to using weapons against Charlie. Charlie the unicorn was unstoppable though because the humans would never be able to get him with their weapons. Charlie was so fast that even the best mechanical birds couldn’t keep up with him. He was faster than the speed of light times 10. Charlie was also super strong nothing could hurt him. One day the dirty humans snuck up on Charlie the poor little unicorn and tried capturing him in rope. Charlie woke up and kicked them with his strong back legs and they flew hundreds of yards to their deaths. Charlie wanted to get home to see his unicorn friends, family, and mate. Charlie created a huge plan to steal one of the humans’ jets and fly it through the tunnel to get back to his home. Charlie couldn’t run back through it because it was too steep for him. Charlie found where they kept the fast jets and he waited until the humans were most vulnerable at night. He quietly snuck in the airbase and ran to a jet. Charlie figured out how to open the cockpit after an hour of trying and he jumped into it. He started the jet and realized, he was a fucking unicorn and didn’t know how to fly a plane. The jet was found crashed right at the end of the runway, Charlie never even got off the ground.

I don’t give a fuck who you are or where you live. You can count on me to be there to bring your fucking life to a hellish end. I’ll put you in so much fucking pain that it’ll make Jesus being nailed to a cross in the desert look like a fucking back massage on a tropical island. I don’t give a fuck how many reps you have or how tough you are IRL, how well you can fight, or how many fucking guns you own to protect yourself. I’ll fucking show up at your house when you aren’t home. I’ll turn all the lights on in your house, leave all the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. You’re going to start stressing the fuck out, your blood pressure will triple, and you’ll have a fucking heart attack. You’ll go to the hospital for a heart operation, and the last thing you’ll see when you’re being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you, dressed like a doctor. When you wake up after being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You’ll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of the hospital to go home I’ll run you over with my fucking car out of no where and kill you. I just want you to know how easily I could fucking destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how I’d rather go to a great fuckng length to make sure your last remaining days are spent in a living, breathing fucking hell. It’s too late to save yourself, but don’t bother committing suicide either… I’ll fucking resuscitate you and kill you again myself you bitch-faced phaggot. Welcome to hell, population: you

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charlie mah boi u kno