Post: - Official NGU Joke Thread -
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08-23-2009, 01:31 PM
#1
Moorz
Bounty hunter
- NextGenUpdate's Official Joke Thread -
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- Welcome to the Official Joke Thread for NextGenUpdate.Com -
This Thread was created so that moderators have to spend less time deleting spammed Joke Threads throughout the General Discussion section of our forums, and spend more time doing more important jobs like improving and developing more additions for NGU.
I am hoping, to setup a new competition just like the Signature of the Week we already have set up. This time though, I wan't to set up Joke of the Week.
- How this will work? -
Well, for this to work, we need all of our members with a great sense of humor to post their favorite jokes into this thread, then, myself of another one of our fantastic moderators will choose the joke they think is the best and then add Reputation and vBux to your account!
- Important Notices / Rules -
It is important that you read this BEFORE posting any jokes in this thread.
Joke's can sometimes be taken too far, and It isn't allowed to post jokes that may offend any of our users or any jokes that may involve or have any relevance to Racism.
Rude Jokes may be posted, But in order to do this you must include 18 Years + in the post THEN include the joke in a spoiler.
- HOW TO INCLUDE A SPOILER -
To include a spoiler, you will have to place these brackets AROUND your text [spioler]TEXT INSERTED HERE[/spioler] BUT YOU MUST SPELL SPOILER CORRECT.
- Joke of the Week -
Winner -
Winning Joke -
Joke Rating - (/10)
Joke - "..."
vBux Awarded -
+Rep Awarded -
- Hall of Fame -
Week 1 -
Week 2 -
Week 3 -
Week 4 -
Week 5 -
Good Luck & Happy Joking
Scousey
Event's Moderator
05-31-2010, 07:07 PM
#75
Gregor_
Keeper
There was an Scotsman an Englishman and an Irishman and they were all stranded looking for somewhere to stay for the night, so the Irishman went to a farm and asked the owner "Do you have anywhere i could stay for the night?" The farm owner thought for a minuite and said "Well all i have is this turnip patch over there." So the Irishman agreed. The Englishman went to another farm and asked "Do you have anywhere i could stay for the night?" The owner said "Well i only have this potatoe patch, sorry." but the englishman took it as he knew he wouldnt get anywhere better to sleep. So the Scotsman went to another farm, "Do yi have anywhere where i could stay fur the night" The owner butted in straight away "Ohh yes i have a 5 star room upstairs, with an en-suite and also 18 half-naked woman!" "YES OBVIOUSLY" replied the scotsman. The next morning after their stay they all met up, "How was your sleep?" the Irishman asked the Englishman, " Aww i feel like a potatoe because i slept in a potatoe patch. How was your sleep?" The irishman looked glum "Ahh i feel like a turnip because i slept in a turnip patch. What about yours?" he said turning to the scotsman, "Ahh, i feel like a golf ball because ive been in and out of 18 holes all night" 
06-07-2010, 06:11 AM
#81
tylerallmighty
Human After All
Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera).
Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer..that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
Ann Arbor:The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer..that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
Ann Arbor:The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
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