(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); It's 2:30AM and again I'm struggling to sleep. I've been feeling like this for about a year now and as stupid, immature and naive as it sounds.. I began feeling this way, and progressive gotten worse as time has gone on, after my ex girlfriend/childhood friend dumped me.

I've always been an odd guy.. looking at pictures of myself in primary school I was always in Metallica/ACDC T shirts and skull hoodies, black jeans with the chain, etc.. Although, in primary school kids are more accepting of different people, I put this down to innocence.. but when I went then to high school I was bullied quite a frequently.. I had long hair which was picked up and quickly snipped off by a guy in my class. Getting Constant dirty looks and being evidently friendless really damaged my confidence and made me become a very private, conservative person. And this was the way life continued for me until 2 years ago when I started going out with a girl I grew up with and for the first time In my life I felt accepted.. comfortable around someone and effective felt like this someone wants to be with me. A feeling i've never had before. My loneliness had come to an end and I was the happiest guy ever... and so in love with my little red head. I was a good boyfriend.. I liked to treat her well and on occasions go all out for her..

this being her christmas presents

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I don't have a lot of money, and i did have to save up for a few months to afford it all, but it was worth it.

Anyway, for the best part of a year I felt more alive and happy than I ever did.
But with every relationship comes arguments and fights.

We didn't usually have an argument over things we didn't see eye-to-eye to but one day we had quite a big argument and she told me these things..

1: I'm not allowed to talk to my friends when i need someone to talk to, i must go to her.
2: I have to be spontaneous all the time
3: struggling to remember....

And i said okay... I kissed her at the bus depot and told her we'd get through it.

I got to my friends house that night and started jamming on guitar and listening to some bon jovi/bmth etc when my phone rang.. It was her, crying.. and she told me it was over..

My world seemed to crash into itself and my friend helped me and stopped me from completely breaking down.

I got home and for 3 days consistently I hadn't stopped crying until I called her and begged her back. Told her i'd change etc and her reply was.. "No, I'm not your lally anymore" (Lally being a nickname for her)

Crushed and heartbroken I knew I had to forget her... and although i was hurt i tried to not isolate myself and become the person i used to be.

2 weeks later i find out she's in a new relationship with none other than my cousin.

there are not words really to describe how i felt at this point. Angry. Violent. Deluded in rage. Even to this day I still am.

I started drinking... heavily. to the point my father pulled me about it and gave off. I even started the disgusting habit of smoking, oddly enough it helped me sleep at night.

Did I do something wrong? Did I mean ANYTHING to her at all? Could I have done better?

Questions like this tarnished my mind and it wasn't long until insomnia stuck and as I tossed and turned night after night I began having suicidal thoughts. Thoughts ranging from... who would find me... to, how could i get a rope up there. After half a year of feeling like this, I had gone to university and saw a notice on the wall for counselling. I emailed them and booked an appointment with a woman called susan. I talked to susan and she gave me a questionnaire afterwhich she told me, "it does look like some form of depression, which is commonly linked to loss". We adviced me to talk to my Doctor.


After a few weeks of consideration I went to the doctor who offered me antidepressants.. which i politely refused.

She told me she'd contact some specialist to see me and today that letter came and I need to make an appointment to see her..

I don't know what i'm getting at here, but I can't seem to move on with my life. I'm like a broken record and it's driving me insane. Can anyone offer any advice? thank you for reading.

Sorry to hear this to resolve this just keep yourself busy there's plenty fishes in the sea. Its hard at first but you will get through it trust me.

I found that i'm happiest when im in the library studying. It keeps my mind focused and i don't think about my personal life, it's just harder at night when i'm lying in bed, wide awake... and my mind goes into over-drive.

Time is precious, you should spend that time doing what you love, feeling depressed doesn't have to be one of them if you don't want it to be. Give it a couple of weeks, even a month and you should start to collect yourself back together again.
Good luck with whatever future plans you choose

Hey man, Im sorry to hear this. You mentioned that you jammed with your friends? Why not try to do something creative with your thoughts, for example writing songs on guitar and so on? Im sure it would help to get your feelings out of your head whilst doing something productive. It works for me when I have something on my mind. Just a suggestion man! Keep your head high!

Let me speak to you from someone in the exact same situation, I honestly thought that when it happened I would implode and cry for days. I am actually more relieved that this has happened because like you, there is plenty of time for things to happen in the future. Like you, a friend of mine decided to get with her while we were still together, it was cheating really. Mine was not nearly as long term as yours was, so that may also change my reaction, but even during the time that we were together things were seemingly going greatly. When things were going great I felt the same way you did, I thought that things would be long term and that we'd always get through thick and through thin together. I can legitimately tell you that I haven't even shed a tear thinking about it.

Let me outline something for you: you are going to get married before 90% of people but you are not going to have sex 24/7 like most kids in college do. Yes, I know this is blunt, but people like you who still manage to show enough decency and chivalry are often caught in this mess. To you, a relationship is what it should be, something that's more than physical. The second she started trying to control you is the second you need to put the foot down and say no. Bending over backwards is not going to help you long term in a relationship, it is only going to engulf you in a sea of emotions that you do not need to be bothered with. Do not beg for her back, you are a better man than what you give yourself credit for. The problem in this relationship was not you, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

What you need to have now is a hobby. Something that will make you interesting and expose yourself to other people. Listen to me when I say that this has only made you stronger, there's really nothing you can say beyond that. So get out there, forget about what happened in the past, have fun. You're going to be fine, don't let a person control you.

Thank you. I've quite active in the Graphics section and have composed a few manipulations which reflect my feelings and thoughts. I guess it's better being creative than destructive. Here are some pieces that represent my mind:

[spoilier]
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It's difficult to become inspired or motivated however.

wow thank you man this really lifted my spirits. I hope you're okay though with whatever happened to you and it doesn't really matter how long or short a relationship is, when you love someone you love them, heartbreak is all the same.

As pointed out in the post previous to this I have a photoshop hobby and i used it to reflect my feelings, i hope, if you look at them, you understand my viewing point.

Thank you once again

I did not read your post (to long), but it seems (from the title) as though making this thread is not going to help you because you are loathing on it. Just forgive and forget. Keep your yourself occupied and you will not think about it.