(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Two men are shipwrecked and manage to make it onto an uncharted island where they are approached by a large group of cannibals who can amazingly speak English.

The cannibals tell them that they have a chance to live on this island without being eaten so long as they pass the "Ordeal of Fruit", the survivor accepts the challenge with little pondering and the Cannibals send the pair off to individually collect one hundred pieces of fruit each and then report back to them.

The first survivor returns with one hundred grapes and cannibals instruct him to shove each grape into his anus without wincing or laughing or he will be killed on the spot.

However just as the first grape reaches his butt hole he bursts out laughing.

The cannibals ask why he is laughing and he replies "I'm sorry, it's just that my friend is collecting pineapples!"

An atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon Forest suddenly finds himself surrounded by a group of blood thirsty cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed this time!"

Suddenly there is a ray of light from Heaven and a voice booms out, "No, you are not screwed. All you have to do is pick up that rock at your feet and bash in the head of the chief cannibal standing in front of you".

So the explorer picks up the rock and proceeds to bash the chief unconscious.

As he stands over the body, breathing heavily and surrounded by hundreds of cannibals with looks of shock and anger on their faces, God's voice booms out again and says, "OK.....Now You're screwed".

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---------- Post added at 06:49 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:48 AM ----------

Originally posted by Cammmmy

I've heard this joke before It was a longer version but never the less, the same joke :p Nice man.

yes i know there 3 men in the longer joke lol

lmao great

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My family branded me as a failure, then I invented an invisibility cloak.

If only they could see me now...

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I always go that extra mile when it comes to sex.

The further from my wife it is, the better.

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The sexy policewoman interrogating me asked "How many rapes have you committed?"
I said "Eight or nine".
"Which is it?" She asked.
"It depends on how soon you can get back-up".

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"If you win the lottery, the first thing I want
you to get me is a face lift and a boob job" said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket.

"Well actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo" I replied.

"Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, you might as well get yourself a new one" she said.

"My point exactly."

My best one: All that floats is a boat!

I got chatting to a really fat bird down the pub. She was delighted when I invited her back to my place.

"This is Fay," I said to the kids when we arrived. "I've brought her here today to show you the dangers of fast foods and binge eating."

Womens rights. nuff said :carling:

The hand job on made my day. lolz

During some excavation work, a team of Israeli archaeologists discovered a previously undetected cave. They were very excited because the following five symbols were carved on one wall of the cave:

A woman
A donkey
A shovel
A fish
A Star of David

The archaeologists declared this a unique find. The carvings were thought to be at least three thousand years old. They carefully cut out the piece of stone holding the symbols and sent it in to the Tel Aviv Museum. Soon, archaeologists from all over the world were invited to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The chairman opened the meeting by pointing to the first symbol and saying:

"We can judge from the first symbol that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell that they were smart enough to train donkeys to help them till the soil. The shovel symbol means they had tools to work with. Their intelligence is highlighted by the fish, which means that when their crops failed, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol means they were evidently Hebrew."

The audience applauded enthusiastically. Suddenly, a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said,

"Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. This is what it says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Woman.' "